Since my very first memory and as far as I can trust my recollection, I have been incredibly fascinated by my own human existence as well as that of others who all share the same thing but with different perspectives. I can't remember my age, but I do remember very clearly when I first noticed the iris of my eye (not my first memory). As I was brushing my teeth I started to study the blue of my eye as it adjusted to changes in light. I took a closer look and started to turn the lights off and on in order to try to understand what I was seeing. At that time I had no concept of optics or how the eye functioned, so I became hypnotized with this curiosity. I spent hours studying my eye in the mirror and wondering why mine were blue and why my friend's eyes were brown. Why did I exist in that time, with my family as they were. I also questioned my existence, or consciousness as would be more accurately described, in that time frame; especially when I just as easily could have experienced consciousness in any of the other time frames and locations that I heard about from the books that my mother read to my siblings and me in my youth. I could have experienced life as an African slave during the slave trade period which haunts the beginning of my country. Or I could have experienced being a peasant in Europe during the Dark Ages. I could have experienced life as a different gender, race, sexuality, economic condition and in any other time period, but I didn't because I was experiencing it then as a young, white, middle-class, farm boy with the world ahead of me. I spent so many sleepless nights pondering that point in my youth; what it meant to experience life through my situation especially when my mother was constantly reading me stories of the hard times and struggles of so many others who came before us. Why was I bestowed with my fortunate position and how should I feel about that?
Now that I am an adult and I have had a few experiences, I guess I most appreciate the fortunate opportunity that I have been given to experience life at all. And as with any great opportunity that we are fortunate enough to have been given, it mustn't be squandered. When experiencing life, should we live by a checklist; get a degree, get married, have children, be successful, have friends, create a legacy? Or should we just live with a simple, underlying attitude of gratefulness to be bestowed with existence in the first place? Gratefulness to me means living and making life better for others while you're living. And I believe that it does not mean worrying about living and letting the inevitable horribleness of life ruin your experience. Life sucks by default, and I've spent too long focusing on how much it sucks for everyone; but this line of thinking doesn't do anyone any good.
Many say that life is wonderful and beautiful and that I am a pessimist for highlighting the bad parts, but I don't think I am a pessimist and I would also venture to guess that those who know me best would agree with me. I might respond by saying that those with such a positive look on life are, by definition, optimists. Whichever perspective one might hold on life, any rational person must concede that the vast majority of the known universe is uninhabitable and that death, pain and suffering are all natural and intrinsic parts of life. So, in light of this, I consider myself pretty lucky to exist at all just by virtue of the statistical probability of my existence is so stacked against me. While, of course noting that if I didn't exist then I certainly wouldn't be aware of my non-existence; so that while I am conscious and aware of this fact of my own existence and how fortunate I should be to have beaten the odds, it would seem that the incidental factors that come along with my statistical triumph should be accepted with grace rather than anger and frustration. Just as when one enjoys a nice, rich piece of chocolate cake; there are certain incidental factors that make the experience less than perfect (which, of course, being the excess amounts of empty calories).
This is then to say that with the realization of what it means to exist, we are to deal with the good and the bad (which are subjectively categorized) of life as purely incidental factors which come along with such an incredible experience. Advancing knowledge, health, living standards and peaceful relations within our species should seem to be the most fulfilling thing we can accomplish in life because in a universe without an apparent point to its existence, such goals would give us, as individuals, a sense of purpose while also benefiting those in his/her community. But such a need for purpose seems strange to me, yet it is so commonly sought. When faced with this question, I tend to respond with some like, "why ask such a question?" Why do things needs a purpose? In regards to this point, one should not ask why things exist but rather how things work (Lawrence Krauss). Asking why the wind blows doesn't do us nearly as much good as asking how it blows.
In life, I feel fulfilled and happy because I have a loving family and a great, supportive community back home. I have wonderful friends that enjoy my company just as I enjoy theirs and I am content in my work because I am constantly learning and bettering myself and others through it. To me, life is about relationships and loving; not about selfishness, death and destruction (no matter how connected those concepts might be). Mostly I see people living with a similar perspective and that brings me a lot of joy. But the trick is, I guess, to not let that inevitable and intrinsic horribleness that incidentally comes along with living in this universe ruin your ability to enjoy existence. It's like eating the cake and maintaining the understanding that every delicious piece of cake is still basically unhealthy.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
The Transition Into Fall
This is my first autumn in Asia and perhaps I'm doing it a bit wrong since I'm not exploring as much as I should. This is my favorite season of the year and I have been fortunate enough to have experienced this inspiring time of the year in multiple locations. The crisp air, the cozy fire and hot drink in hand; every bit of Fall just makes me happy. In Taiwan, the weather has gotten noticeably colder and I'm getting a bit homesick. Halloween is celebrated by the Americans and English here but it seems to be a, "huh, that's interesting" kind of thing to the local people. The most amusing part of Halloween for the Taiwanese seems to be watching the foreigners dress up in costumes.
Western holidays get about as much attention in Taiwan as one might expect, it's more like a fun curiosity. One thing I do really like about the local traditions that enhances this season for me is the BaiBaiTian (prayer day), when businesses burn offerings and incense for prayer. It's a pleasant smell and I think the displays are also quite nice, not to mention the beauty of the temples that are numerous, especially in Tainan.
I would really like to take a week or two and travel to Japan and Korea during this season but unfortunately I just won't have the time. Instead, I'll take some local trips on the new set of wheels. Let's see if I can get some good photos as well and if all goes well I might even be able to learn something. If I can get a good collection of photos, I'll post them on this post.
Western holidays get about as much attention in Taiwan as one might expect, it's more like a fun curiosity. One thing I do really like about the local traditions that enhances this season for me is the BaiBaiTian (prayer day), when businesses burn offerings and incense for prayer. It's a pleasant smell and I think the displays are also quite nice, not to mention the beauty of the temples that are numerous, especially in Tainan.
I would really like to take a week or two and travel to Japan and Korea during this season but unfortunately I just won't have the time. Instead, I'll take some local trips on the new set of wheels. Let's see if I can get some good photos as well and if all goes well I might even be able to learn something. If I can get a good collection of photos, I'll post them on this post.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Is Chivalry Dead?
The death of chivalry was brought up recently in a conversation I was having with a client. It really made me ponder the concept especially after she suggested that it hasn't died, but rather, has updated itself in modern culture. The birth of the concept is from medieval Europe and pertains to the conduct that military horsemen would practice it in training, warfare and public service. Traditionally it has come to refer to a code of honor and nobility in society, while in modern times it seems to have died out (or at least many would claim). I agree with my client though, it has not died.
Basically we have this concept of chivalry to guide our social behavior in western culture whereas Confucianism outlines similar codes of conduct for eastern societies and the influences are easy to notice when you live in both societies. In my view, I can see chivalry in the respect that we pay our neighbors, not necessarily by way of opening a car door for a woman or walking on the street-side of the sidewalk when accompanied by a woman. Though these are nice gestures, I don't believe they embody what it means to be a gentleman. If you fail to open your car door for your girlfriend on every occasion that doesn't automatically mean that chivalry has died because chivalry is a bit deeper than that.
Furthermore, western society has shied away from many condescending courtesies that were a gentleman's responsibility such as paying for each restaurant bill and opting in as the "decision maker" as such aspects of the gentlemanly demeanor are now seen as demeaning. I'm a firm believer in equality while at the same time acknowledging our key differences. It is condescending, however, to have a guy paying for everything which can be easy perceived as though she is a poor, helpless woman who can't do anything without a man. Personally, I have never met such a woman. It might also easily be perceived as personal insecurity, as if the guy must prove how his money will make her want to stay with him. So,I can easily see why some of these acts, that are traditionally associated with chivalry, are dying out.
It is simply that our society is maturing and embracing equality and maintaining respect for each other. This common sense of respect to your fellow human being has always been most apparent to me back home in the North West and also in England. Doors are held open for strangers and reliable directions are given to out-of-towners. In general, men tend to behave better when women are present; less inappropriate language is used and manners are more attended to. I thoroughly enjoy these little things in society that reminds me that we are all in this together. So often I noted common courtesies in London that would bring a smile to my face; like when an elderly woman would step onto the tube carriage then shortly thereafter is offered a seat by a fellow passenger. Or when some lone American guy is sitting at the local pub and a group of locals decides to buy him a round and invite him to play snooker. And of course back home we have our heartwarming RAOK (random acts of kindness). It only makes sense that such a concept would come from the place that is also known for the never ending intersection struggle of "no, you go first", "no, you go first".
I have noticed that this regard for strangers is not as common in the east, at least from what I've experienced. I'm not sure why exactly, especially since many of the places I've visited so far are always so well known for hospitality. I get lots of waves "hello, how are you/" but that is only because I stand out. Drivers are not courteous at all, and when you are courteous to them they don't know how to react. Strangers on the street don't seem to like to be randomly greeted by a complete stranger. Now, I could be completely misunderstanding my observations because they are so skewed due to how much I stand out as a foreigner but nonetheless, I do miss the little pleasantries of everyday life that I experienced in America and Europe. Or maybe I'm just an asshole and I look non-approachable, who knows?
At any rate, I'm excited to compare these aspects of culture with my future destinations. Therefore, this is to be continued...
Basically we have this concept of chivalry to guide our social behavior in western culture whereas Confucianism outlines similar codes of conduct for eastern societies and the influences are easy to notice when you live in both societies. In my view, I can see chivalry in the respect that we pay our neighbors, not necessarily by way of opening a car door for a woman or walking on the street-side of the sidewalk when accompanied by a woman. Though these are nice gestures, I don't believe they embody what it means to be a gentleman. If you fail to open your car door for your girlfriend on every occasion that doesn't automatically mean that chivalry has died because chivalry is a bit deeper than that.
Furthermore, western society has shied away from many condescending courtesies that were a gentleman's responsibility such as paying for each restaurant bill and opting in as the "decision maker" as such aspects of the gentlemanly demeanor are now seen as demeaning. I'm a firm believer in equality while at the same time acknowledging our key differences. It is condescending, however, to have a guy paying for everything which can be easy perceived as though she is a poor, helpless woman who can't do anything without a man. Personally, I have never met such a woman. It might also easily be perceived as personal insecurity, as if the guy must prove how his money will make her want to stay with him. So,I can easily see why some of these acts, that are traditionally associated with chivalry, are dying out.
It is simply that our society is maturing and embracing equality and maintaining respect for each other. This common sense of respect to your fellow human being has always been most apparent to me back home in the North West and also in England. Doors are held open for strangers and reliable directions are given to out-of-towners. In general, men tend to behave better when women are present; less inappropriate language is used and manners are more attended to. I thoroughly enjoy these little things in society that reminds me that we are all in this together. So often I noted common courtesies in London that would bring a smile to my face; like when an elderly woman would step onto the tube carriage then shortly thereafter is offered a seat by a fellow passenger. Or when some lone American guy is sitting at the local pub and a group of locals decides to buy him a round and invite him to play snooker. And of course back home we have our heartwarming RAOK (random acts of kindness). It only makes sense that such a concept would come from the place that is also known for the never ending intersection struggle of "no, you go first", "no, you go first".
I have noticed that this regard for strangers is not as common in the east, at least from what I've experienced. I'm not sure why exactly, especially since many of the places I've visited so far are always so well known for hospitality. I get lots of waves "hello, how are you/" but that is only because I stand out. Drivers are not courteous at all, and when you are courteous to them they don't know how to react. Strangers on the street don't seem to like to be randomly greeted by a complete stranger. Now, I could be completely misunderstanding my observations because they are so skewed due to how much I stand out as a foreigner but nonetheless, I do miss the little pleasantries of everyday life that I experienced in America and Europe. Or maybe I'm just an asshole and I look non-approachable, who knows?
At any rate, I'm excited to compare these aspects of culture with my future destinations. Therefore, this is to be continued...
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Living Up to the Stereotype
Personally, I think stereotypes are hilarious whenever I see them lived up to. Stereotypes exist for a reason so it would make sense that we see them in action from time to time. I live up to the American stereotype every once in a while and I'm not ashamed of it. I eat hamburgers, ride big motorcycles and sometimes talk a bit too loudly in public places. I drink starbucks and frequent Costco no matter which country I am (Kirkland signature makes good jeans for cheap haha). All this in no way means that I don't respect the local specialties. I just sometimes fit within a stereotype and that's okay with me as long as I don't let it define me.
Anyway, this is what was on my mind today. Also, what a great day this turned out to be. Hanging out at the beach, enjoying local cuisine and sleeping all afternoon. I need more days like this.
Anyway, this is what was on my mind today. Also, what a great day this turned out to be. Hanging out at the beach, enjoying local cuisine and sleeping all afternoon. I need more days like this.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Some Misconceptions About Taiwan
Mostly this will be addressing some common misunderstanding about Taiwan that I've noticed that people have in the US and Europe. Of course, I am no expert on Taiwan but most of the things that I will mention are perhaps a bit shallow. As I learn more, I will add to the list and hopefully I can become an expert one day.
First of all, Taiwan is not Thailand. It really baffles me how many people get the two countries mixed up. The two countries are nothing alike and to me it's almost as ridiculous as mixing up the United States with the United Arab Emirates. The food is different, the language is different, the culture is different; basically everything is different. Yet, for some reason I am constantly hearing, "oh Thailand is so beautiful! How long were you there?" from Americans and Europeans. I usually just respond, "I'm sorry, I've never been to Thailand. I did, however, just mention Taiwan", or something to that effect. Taiwan is a small island located in the Pacific Ocean, South of Japan and East of Hong Kong.
In Taiwan there is a huge variety of languages to choose from. The official language of the island is Mandarin Chinese but Taiwanese is also widely spoken. My knowledge of Taiwanese is minimal but it is a very interesting linguistic rabbit trail to follow. Several different dialects of Taiwanese are spoken throughout the island and they are genetically linked to Mandarin because Taiwanese originates from the mainland. There is actually no native Formosan language, or at least no Proto-Formosan just to be a little more clear. In Tainan, Taiwanese is heavily spoken but usually in combination with Mandarin. When locals encounter a foreigner, Mandarin is used because it is extremely rare for foreigners to come to Taiwan to learn Taiwanese. If a foreigner does know Taiwanese, it is most likely because he/she has been living in Taiwan for an extended period of time and is usually unmarried. That brings up another point, most of the foreigners that I meet here who marry locals don't speak Mandarin or Taiwanese. Their significant other will always translate and quite honestly, English is everywhere. Everything has subtitles in English or an English version. And when I say everything, I don't mean literally everything; mostly things like restaurant menus and legal documents. Nonetheless, as long as you can speak English, life is survivable but still very tricky. It is always far better to speak the local language of any place that you go/live, if not for any other reason but that it is just the polite thing to do.
The food in Taiwan is not so weird and exotic. The food, especially in Tainan, is very delicious and not at all bizarre. I found French food to be more exotic than Taiwanese food, actually. The most common dish in Tainan is beef noodle soup. My favorite is seafood noodles with a side of baozi, which is a steamed or fried bun with either meat or vegetable filling. Probably the strangest food that you can find is called stinky tofu. It's almost like a test of your food tolerance for foreigners to see whether it is tolerable to them or not. But seriously, stinky tofu is no stranger than how we eat cottage cheese in the US. I quite enjoyed stinky tofu when I first tried it but I probably wouldn't seek it out or anything. Of course, in Taipei everything is a lot more international, which means that we can find cuisines from around the world which is unlike Tainan, yet Tainan is more well known for its restaurants.
Taiwan is in a kind of twilight zone of independence. Officially, Taiwan is ROC (Republic of China) but according to international laws regarding Rights of Autonomy, Taiwan certainly qualifies for sovereignty. Language, culture, economy, currency and the political system in Taiwan are all different and from mainland China. In fact, Taiwanese need to apply for a visa to enter China, whereas a Taiwanese passport allows an automatic landing visa in the US. Surely it is clear to see that Taiwan is not China, yet it is. Taiwanese people will acknowledge that their roots are from China for the most part but the vast majority of Taiwanese people will not identify themselves as Chinese.
Taiwan is not a poor, third world country. It's one of the strongest economies in East Asia. Taiwan is highly industrialized and very modern. This modernity is less noticeable in the country-side but can still be readily seen. Average wage is still quite low compared with the US or the UK but that is to be expected. In relation to cost of living, the ratios seem to give the advantage to Taiwanese workers. Average wage is low but cost of living is also low unlike most European countries. Also, opportunity is very high here as long as you are willing to work hard and be competitive, which then can make that wage-cost of living gap so much less of an issue.
These are a few of the biggest question marks that most people have, according to my observations anyway. I might add to this post in the future or make follow-up if needed. Questions are welcomed in either the comments or by personal message.
First of all, Taiwan is not Thailand. It really baffles me how many people get the two countries mixed up. The two countries are nothing alike and to me it's almost as ridiculous as mixing up the United States with the United Arab Emirates. The food is different, the language is different, the culture is different; basically everything is different. Yet, for some reason I am constantly hearing, "oh Thailand is so beautiful! How long were you there?" from Americans and Europeans. I usually just respond, "I'm sorry, I've never been to Thailand. I did, however, just mention Taiwan", or something to that effect. Taiwan is a small island located in the Pacific Ocean, South of Japan and East of Hong Kong.
In Taiwan there is a huge variety of languages to choose from. The official language of the island is Mandarin Chinese but Taiwanese is also widely spoken. My knowledge of Taiwanese is minimal but it is a very interesting linguistic rabbit trail to follow. Several different dialects of Taiwanese are spoken throughout the island and they are genetically linked to Mandarin because Taiwanese originates from the mainland. There is actually no native Formosan language, or at least no Proto-Formosan just to be a little more clear. In Tainan, Taiwanese is heavily spoken but usually in combination with Mandarin. When locals encounter a foreigner, Mandarin is used because it is extremely rare for foreigners to come to Taiwan to learn Taiwanese. If a foreigner does know Taiwanese, it is most likely because he/she has been living in Taiwan for an extended period of time and is usually unmarried. That brings up another point, most of the foreigners that I meet here who marry locals don't speak Mandarin or Taiwanese. Their significant other will always translate and quite honestly, English is everywhere. Everything has subtitles in English or an English version. And when I say everything, I don't mean literally everything; mostly things like restaurant menus and legal documents. Nonetheless, as long as you can speak English, life is survivable but still very tricky. It is always far better to speak the local language of any place that you go/live, if not for any other reason but that it is just the polite thing to do.
The food in Taiwan is not so weird and exotic. The food, especially in Tainan, is very delicious and not at all bizarre. I found French food to be more exotic than Taiwanese food, actually. The most common dish in Tainan is beef noodle soup. My favorite is seafood noodles with a side of baozi, which is a steamed or fried bun with either meat or vegetable filling. Probably the strangest food that you can find is called stinky tofu. It's almost like a test of your food tolerance for foreigners to see whether it is tolerable to them or not. But seriously, stinky tofu is no stranger than how we eat cottage cheese in the US. I quite enjoyed stinky tofu when I first tried it but I probably wouldn't seek it out or anything. Of course, in Taipei everything is a lot more international, which means that we can find cuisines from around the world which is unlike Tainan, yet Tainan is more well known for its restaurants.
Taiwan is in a kind of twilight zone of independence. Officially, Taiwan is ROC (Republic of China) but according to international laws regarding Rights of Autonomy, Taiwan certainly qualifies for sovereignty. Language, culture, economy, currency and the political system in Taiwan are all different and from mainland China. In fact, Taiwanese need to apply for a visa to enter China, whereas a Taiwanese passport allows an automatic landing visa in the US. Surely it is clear to see that Taiwan is not China, yet it is. Taiwanese people will acknowledge that their roots are from China for the most part but the vast majority of Taiwanese people will not identify themselves as Chinese.
Taiwan is not a poor, third world country. It's one of the strongest economies in East Asia. Taiwan is highly industrialized and very modern. This modernity is less noticeable in the country-side but can still be readily seen. Average wage is still quite low compared with the US or the UK but that is to be expected. In relation to cost of living, the ratios seem to give the advantage to Taiwanese workers. Average wage is low but cost of living is also low unlike most European countries. Also, opportunity is very high here as long as you are willing to work hard and be competitive, which then can make that wage-cost of living gap so much less of an issue.
These are a few of the biggest question marks that most people have, according to my observations anyway. I might add to this post in the future or make follow-up if needed. Questions are welcomed in either the comments or by personal message.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Video Blog (However that works haha)
This post is pretty much for the purpose of sharing some videos that I think are interesting. I've never tried posting videos on my blog before, so this is also a bit of an experiment. Hopefully this can be like a video thread.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTG4dbSR7NI
This video criticizes modern mega-churches for losing focus on what a church has traditionally been. I thought it presented a realistic perspective which I could definitely relate to in my experiences with such churches.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTG4dbSR7NI
This video criticizes modern mega-churches for losing focus on what a church has traditionally been. I thought it presented a realistic perspective which I could definitely relate to in my experiences with such churches.
Christopher Hitchens squaring up the facts to shed light on the myths.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Storms
I've come across many storms so far and as I sit here in my home working on my computer whilst a torrential downpour is flooding the streets outside, I am suddenly reminded of my experiences of other storms like when I was in Germany and luckily decided not to go for a walk in an open field when suddenly a devastating hail storm riddled the area with huge chunks of ice that I could barely fit in one hand. Or in 2009 when I met my first typhoon and drastically underestimated it. As a Western Washingtonian, I am no stranger to strong winds, flooding and such so maybe I can take this opportunity to list out my top 3 storms that I've been through.
The third most memorable storm would probably have to be the ice storm that happened back home about 7 or 8 years ago. I can't remember exactly what year it was but I do remember having to prepare for it and work in it. Snow had fallen a few days prior and we had to clear all the snow from all the buildings at the farm. We were running equipment across the barn yard and sometimes slipping and sliding but always being as cautious as possible because machinery like the feeder wagon and the front-end loader are pretty unforgiving if they slide into anything. I remember one time I was walking over some compacted ice that had been driven over numerous times thus making it super slick; I had a call on my cellphone and by the time I answered it, I was one the ground. I didn't even recall my own descent. We had the feeder wagon hooked up to the 4240 which sadly couldn't pull the wagon up the hill which was the last obstacle until the silage pits. So, we had to gently get the loader's bucket under the back corner of the wagon and help to push it up the hill. It probably wasn't nearly the worst ice-storm ever but the reason it was so memorable is because it was so gorgeous. Skies were clear, the atmosphere was silent and everything glistened so beautifully. I took a picture with my flip phone but it did it no justice.
Number two is my first typhoon during my first visit to Taiwan. The weather in Taiwan is so hard to get used to if you're from Washington. Rain comes like a freight train; one moment everything is totally sunny and dry then you start to hear and sense something approaching you. Then a wall of falling water is suddenly dousing absolutely everything. Never go outside with something on your person which you can't afford to get wet, because it will get soaked in less than a minute. Also, just look at what the local people are doing, they will warn you that you need to get under cover immediately. Usually by saying, "cats and dogs!!!" in English because they can see that you're a foreigner. But my uncle told me (likely using sarcasm which I didn't pick up on) that Taiwanese don't cancel work or school for anything less than a missile attack from China. I thought that seemed strange but I had no idea what to believe so I figured that was true. And wouldn't you know it, the whole family went to Taipei for a doctor's appointment and left me at the house and not one day after they left, a huge typhoon stuck. I didn't watch TV because I was too stressed out about finishing my homework, so I put my papers and important stuff in the plastic saddle bags and went out into what I figured to be a really rainy day. The streets were empty and motorcycles were preemptively laid on the ground. I was dodging debris and getting soaked all the way to the university. I parked the motorcycle near the gates which were closed. The security guard couldn't keep his eyes off me nor could he comprehend why I was even there at all. I asked why nobody else was here, he simply asked me if I noticed that there was a typhoon going on around me. I said "yes" because by the time I reached the university I had come to that conclusion and explained that my uncle said that was no reason to cancel school. Naïveté is something that we grow out of because of experiences like this one. So I turned around and went to my friend's apartment where we tried to see if the wind was strong enough to lift us off the ground by using a really big sheet. Our conclusion was no, we were too fat.
The most memorable storm was in December of 2007. This was the worst storm not only because it was a 100 year flood which caused a lot of damage on the farm property and the property of many of the neighbors but also because it was the year that my best friend died. I remember that even west Olympia was submerged and a famous steakhouse on highway 8 was washed out; I drove pass it less than an hour before it was washed across the highway and into the median. My brother and I still had to go to school at SPSCC and we picked up Scott who lived just up the hill from us. He couldn't drive out of his hill because too many trees and too much debris was blocking the road so he met us at the bottom of the hill. As bad as that was, my brother and I had to park at the neighbor's house and use the 4850 John Deer (or as I called it, "the S.S. John Deer) to access our house. It was like sailing a ship through rough waters especially with an especially strong current which ran directly over the middle of our gravel driveway. With all that turmoil going one, it made it hard to grieve properly for the loss of my friend. He died so suddenly in a car accident and it was like being shocked emotionally, I just couldn't react properly. There was no time to pause life and deal with it but then again, how can you ever actually deal with something like that? I still don't know if having to tend to the storm at that time was a good thing in that is was a distraction or a bad thing because it stole my attention away from a life event that was obviously much more impacting. One things for sure, I'll always remember that time of my life as if it were yesterday.
The third most memorable storm would probably have to be the ice storm that happened back home about 7 or 8 years ago. I can't remember exactly what year it was but I do remember having to prepare for it and work in it. Snow had fallen a few days prior and we had to clear all the snow from all the buildings at the farm. We were running equipment across the barn yard and sometimes slipping and sliding but always being as cautious as possible because machinery like the feeder wagon and the front-end loader are pretty unforgiving if they slide into anything. I remember one time I was walking over some compacted ice that had been driven over numerous times thus making it super slick; I had a call on my cellphone and by the time I answered it, I was one the ground. I didn't even recall my own descent. We had the feeder wagon hooked up to the 4240 which sadly couldn't pull the wagon up the hill which was the last obstacle until the silage pits. So, we had to gently get the loader's bucket under the back corner of the wagon and help to push it up the hill. It probably wasn't nearly the worst ice-storm ever but the reason it was so memorable is because it was so gorgeous. Skies were clear, the atmosphere was silent and everything glistened so beautifully. I took a picture with my flip phone but it did it no justice.
Number two is my first typhoon during my first visit to Taiwan. The weather in Taiwan is so hard to get used to if you're from Washington. Rain comes like a freight train; one moment everything is totally sunny and dry then you start to hear and sense something approaching you. Then a wall of falling water is suddenly dousing absolutely everything. Never go outside with something on your person which you can't afford to get wet, because it will get soaked in less than a minute. Also, just look at what the local people are doing, they will warn you that you need to get under cover immediately. Usually by saying, "cats and dogs!!!" in English because they can see that you're a foreigner. But my uncle told me (likely using sarcasm which I didn't pick up on) that Taiwanese don't cancel work or school for anything less than a missile attack from China. I thought that seemed strange but I had no idea what to believe so I figured that was true. And wouldn't you know it, the whole family went to Taipei for a doctor's appointment and left me at the house and not one day after they left, a huge typhoon stuck. I didn't watch TV because I was too stressed out about finishing my homework, so I put my papers and important stuff in the plastic saddle bags and went out into what I figured to be a really rainy day. The streets were empty and motorcycles were preemptively laid on the ground. I was dodging debris and getting soaked all the way to the university. I parked the motorcycle near the gates which were closed. The security guard couldn't keep his eyes off me nor could he comprehend why I was even there at all. I asked why nobody else was here, he simply asked me if I noticed that there was a typhoon going on around me. I said "yes" because by the time I reached the university I had come to that conclusion and explained that my uncle said that was no reason to cancel school. Naïveté is something that we grow out of because of experiences like this one. So I turned around and went to my friend's apartment where we tried to see if the wind was strong enough to lift us off the ground by using a really big sheet. Our conclusion was no, we were too fat.
The most memorable storm was in December of 2007. This was the worst storm not only because it was a 100 year flood which caused a lot of damage on the farm property and the property of many of the neighbors but also because it was the year that my best friend died. I remember that even west Olympia was submerged and a famous steakhouse on highway 8 was washed out; I drove pass it less than an hour before it was washed across the highway and into the median. My brother and I still had to go to school at SPSCC and we picked up Scott who lived just up the hill from us. He couldn't drive out of his hill because too many trees and too much debris was blocking the road so he met us at the bottom of the hill. As bad as that was, my brother and I had to park at the neighbor's house and use the 4850 John Deer (or as I called it, "the S.S. John Deer) to access our house. It was like sailing a ship through rough waters especially with an especially strong current which ran directly over the middle of our gravel driveway. With all that turmoil going one, it made it hard to grieve properly for the loss of my friend. He died so suddenly in a car accident and it was like being shocked emotionally, I just couldn't react properly. There was no time to pause life and deal with it but then again, how can you ever actually deal with something like that? I still don't know if having to tend to the storm at that time was a good thing in that is was a distraction or a bad thing because it stole my attention away from a life event that was obviously much more impacting. One things for sure, I'll always remember that time of my life as if it were yesterday.
Monday, August 4, 2014
La comida taiwanesa
Obviamente no podrÃa comentar en toda la comida de Taiwán y la cultura de comida que sigue en solo un blog. Es posible pero con mucha más experiencia y estudio en este sujeto. Que sigue aquà es simplemente lo que he notado durante mi corto tiempo acá, como mis platos favoritos y la cultura.
Principalmente, es importante que note la conveniencia. Es evidente en todas las partes en cualquier parte del paÃs. Todo que alguien necesita en una vida normal no está lejos, y siempre puede acceder cada lugar con una moto. Té es como la fuente de vida acá, hay tiendas de té en cada esquina y cada calle. La bebida principal en todas las 711s es té o agua, no hay escape!!! Pero, no es tan malo. Es mejor que tener soda como la bebida más común, por supuesto. Además, en cada tienda de té hay la opción de añadir la cantidad especifica de azúcar que quiere, hay como tres o cuatro niveles de dulzura entre cual puede escoger. Cada taza de té viene con una bolsa que cuelga del gancho de la moto.
El té es una parte muy diferente de mi cultura que me intrigue mucho pero la comida es más importante en mi opinión. AquÃ, la cultura es muy internacional pero siempre hay las cositas taiwanesas que cambian lo que debe ser la comida original. Como salchichas con huesos o espressos en una taza que seria apropiada para un Americano (20oz). Otro dÃa yo comà un English Muffin que no fue tostado, ay ay ay. No es mal, en realidad, es deliciosa pero no puede suponer que la comida internacional va a ser como la original. Reconoce el nombre de la carta pero puede esperar otro plato hecho en la manera taiwanesa.
La comida local es fantástica, ¿Cómo no? La pasta es mi favorita, seguida por boazi. La carne es muy importante en Taiwán y normalmente puede hallarla en la mayorÃa de platos, incluso los platos que se identifican como vegetariano haha. En mi opinión, esta comida es extraordinariamente mejor que las versiones americanas de la comida china. No hay tanta grasa como las versiones americanas de esta comida. Normalmente no como arroz pero no lo puedo evitar en Taiwán y acá es más delicioso, y por eso lo como casi todos los dÃas. Otra cosa notable sobre la comida taiwanesa es que usualmente es de mariscos. ¡Me encanta mariscos! Entonces es como la felicidad de default. La ultima cosa que he notado es que la comida taiwanesa no es tan artÃstica como la de Europa. Es deliciosa, no digo nada contra esta comida pero es evidente que para comer en Asia es para la nutrición y la energÃa mientras que para cocinar, cenar y comer en general en Europa y ciertas partes de Norte América es para la experiencia. Es claro que no es un concepto absoluto por haber tantas excepciones pero es mi observación.
En conclusión, ¡me encanta la gastronomie (la alta cocina) de Taiwán! En general es deliciosa, saludable, diversa y nunca me aburre. Y un consejito de mÃ, los restaurantes pequeños que no son tan evidente son los mejores por el tipo de personas que puede hallar allÃ. Pero usualmente es mejor que hable chino.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Pour quoi j'aime la France
La France, un pays magnifique dans le point de vue d'un américain. C'est bizarre? Peut être, mais pour moi, une partie de moi habite toujours la. La culture, la musique, la mode, le café, la vue et beaucoup plus sont les bonnes raisons à aimer la France. Et, comme un américain, c'est très important à comprendre que nous sommes qui nous sommes à cause d'une grande influence de la France. Nous avons notre indépendance à cause de leur aide, malgré tout. Et je pense que la fraternité entre nous est une des plus importante dans le monde actuel.
Mais, c'est blog n'est pas au sujet l'histoire ou quelque chose technique comme ça. Non, c'est au sujet du sentiment qu'on a après d'expérience française comme j'avais eu dans ma vie. En plus, le français n'est pas ma seconde langue ni ma troisième. C'est ma quatrième langue de cinq en total. Après de dire ça, c'est plus claire que j'ai plusieurs des influences similaires dans ma vie. Alors, chaque langue,expérience et influence est très important pour dire le moins, mais ce blog est sur l'influence française.
Comme un linguiste, le français est particulièrement important. Je l'avais dû savoir ou, au moins reconnaître dans beaucoup d'études scientifique. L'allemand est similaire je pense, mais c'est une autre histoire. Mais, dans mon travail actuel, je trouve le français incroyablement utile. Dans plusieurs des études ton bibliothèque grandit beaucoup quand on a le français et l'allemand avec l'anglais. Ta compréhension du sujet est meilleur aussi au cause de lire tout dans la langue originale. C'est particulièrement vrai dans la philosophie et la psychologie. Et pour moi, dans linguistique, le français est essentiel. Pour chaque livre que je lis en anglais au sujet de la linguistique, il y a un ou deux livres obligatoires à lire en français.
Et les arts aussi. Quand je rends visite à la France, j'ai besoin de voir les arts dans touts les musées. J'aime beaucoup les arts français dans toutes les formes: la musique, le film et la gastronomie. Paris est ok, mais je pense que la meilleure partie de Paris est les musées et les monuments. J'ai vue et connu quatre villes françaises jusque maintenant et je préfère Antonie, Angers et Nantes. Spécialement Angers à cause d'être si pittoresque. L'histoire des toutes les villes est aussi tellement intéressante. La partie la plus importante à moi est la culture. Je voudrais acheter une maison la. J'y suis souvent dans mes rêveries, imaginant la vie parfaite dans un pays si progressif et intellectuel. C'est la réalité? Probablement non, mais au moins je pense que la France est beaucoup plus progressive que la majorité de ce monde. J'ai été dans l'Angers pour seulement une semaine mais je me suis senti que c'est la ville pour moi. Toutes les rues sont propre, la nourriture est magnifique et les peuple sont gentilles.
Ok, c'est la France dans mon point de vue. Et ce me fait se sentir différent que beaucoup d'autre lieus. Ce pays m'a affecté beaucoup je pense. Quand je suis pensif que pense et écris en français. Et quand j'étudie, presque midi de les matériels sont écrit en français. Alors, il y a beaucoup plus à dire sur la France mais pour maintenant, c'est l'explication général de mes sentiments sur ce beau pays.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Living in Tainan II
Routine set, local area mentally mapped and wifi sources throughout the city situated. I've come to appreciate the calm and relaxed atmosphere of this city. Life is slower here and you can feel how traditional the way of life here is compared with bigger Taiwanese cities like Taipei or Taichung. I've met lots of great people representing a huge range of backgrounds and perspectives. Thankfully, I've met far more great people than bad people. Some of that might be my tendency to avoid potentially bad influences or bad people in general. Also, I really haven't been as social as I should be due to work and research.
I forced myself to be social last week and I went out to a popular bar after a late appointment with a client. It was really a great night; I met an Austrian engineer, an Indian doctor of nano-technology, an Irish English teacher and an Italian English teacher. It was so great to discuss our research and dig deep into different theories and subject matters. To share our experiences of traveling and living abroad and to bounce our experiences and knowledge off of each other is truly a good time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to "gan bei" as much alcohol as everyone else because of my digestive issues which is just another symptom of my mitochondrial mutation. But one thing I have noticed in Tainan is that going out can be hit and miss. Sometimes you go out and can meet some great people and a lot of the time you can meet some immature assholes who can ruin your night if you let them. Going out in Taipei was MUCH better than any spot I've seen in Tainan. I'll have to write another post about Taipei when I have more trips there.
In general, I mostly go to cafes to read and analyze my research as my "going out" times. Today, before another appointment with a business client, I went to a Starbucks in Anping (the old and historical part of Tainan). My institute's office is located in that part of town, which is really nice because it's kind of the cultural center of the city. I, for one, really enjoy Starbucks. Being a Northwesterner, I really like having a piece of home all over the world. It's so nice having a little piece of Seattle and the Northwest in every city I go to. And the employees are always super friendly and helpful; it makes me feel good and especially today when I went in. I ordered an Italian roast tomato and olive loaf with a chai-tea latte, just like my mom would always make in the winter time. I sat in the nearly empty Starbucks with that taste of home and I felt relaxed as I slumped farther down in my chair. The staff was very friendly and kept on suggesting things that I might like. They also taught me a few new Chinese words that pertained to coffee. I'm all about enjoying the local atmosphere and culture of wherever I am but seriously, Starbucks is my little escape back to Seattle, back home and back to personal comfort.
I suppose I need to start getting more "Tainanese" now that I am more settled. It's hard though, because I'm so caught up in my work and research so I get exhausted and find it hard to properly explore. I've already explored a lot of the city but there is so much more. This month I'll be getting a bigger set of wheels and I'll take a few days to travel the area. Just south of Tainan is a great city called Kaohsiung where there is apparently a lot going on. In between the two cities are plenty of little towns that are just begging to be explored. I noticed an interesting wharf that I want to explore further which is on route to Kaohsiung. The thing is, with this little scooty-puff, the city is about all it can handle. Also, since I have more of a routine now, museums are in my near future. Tainan is absolutely full of temples and museums of which I have visited the most important ones but there are still so many yet to visit. Something about this city just makes me incredibly thirsty for more knowledge and discovery and I think it's wonderful but at the same time, it's murder on my social life. Oh well, at least I'm getting something positive out of it.
I forced myself to be social last week and I went out to a popular bar after a late appointment with a client. It was really a great night; I met an Austrian engineer, an Indian doctor of nano-technology, an Irish English teacher and an Italian English teacher. It was so great to discuss our research and dig deep into different theories and subject matters. To share our experiences of traveling and living abroad and to bounce our experiences and knowledge off of each other is truly a good time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to "gan bei" as much alcohol as everyone else because of my digestive issues which is just another symptom of my mitochondrial mutation. But one thing I have noticed in Tainan is that going out can be hit and miss. Sometimes you go out and can meet some great people and a lot of the time you can meet some immature assholes who can ruin your night if you let them. Going out in Taipei was MUCH better than any spot I've seen in Tainan. I'll have to write another post about Taipei when I have more trips there.
In general, I mostly go to cafes to read and analyze my research as my "going out" times. Today, before another appointment with a business client, I went to a Starbucks in Anping (the old and historical part of Tainan). My institute's office is located in that part of town, which is really nice because it's kind of the cultural center of the city. I, for one, really enjoy Starbucks. Being a Northwesterner, I really like having a piece of home all over the world. It's so nice having a little piece of Seattle and the Northwest in every city I go to. And the employees are always super friendly and helpful; it makes me feel good and especially today when I went in. I ordered an Italian roast tomato and olive loaf with a chai-tea latte, just like my mom would always make in the winter time. I sat in the nearly empty Starbucks with that taste of home and I felt relaxed as I slumped farther down in my chair. The staff was very friendly and kept on suggesting things that I might like. They also taught me a few new Chinese words that pertained to coffee. I'm all about enjoying the local atmosphere and culture of wherever I am but seriously, Starbucks is my little escape back to Seattle, back home and back to personal comfort.
I suppose I need to start getting more "Tainanese" now that I am more settled. It's hard though, because I'm so caught up in my work and research so I get exhausted and find it hard to properly explore. I've already explored a lot of the city but there is so much more. This month I'll be getting a bigger set of wheels and I'll take a few days to travel the area. Just south of Tainan is a great city called Kaohsiung where there is apparently a lot going on. In between the two cities are plenty of little towns that are just begging to be explored. I noticed an interesting wharf that I want to explore further which is on route to Kaohsiung. The thing is, with this little scooty-puff, the city is about all it can handle. Also, since I have more of a routine now, museums are in my near future. Tainan is absolutely full of temples and museums of which I have visited the most important ones but there are still so many yet to visit. Something about this city just makes me incredibly thirsty for more knowledge and discovery and I think it's wonderful but at the same time, it's murder on my social life. Oh well, at least I'm getting something positive out of it.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Art
My family is full of artists; my grandmother paints, my mother is an impressive calligrapher and painter, my sister has an incredible skill for drawing, my brother's design portfolio is unbelievable. This is art in the traditional sense, which is absolutely marvelous. I really enjoy being able to appreciate paintings and drawings because of the skill and the artist's intentions for how it can be appreciated. Music and sculpture art are, of course, under the same category. Some of my favorite museum attractions are paintings with subtle meanings that cannot be taken in with only a glimpse. A painting that uses color tones and patterns along with purposeful vagueness and can utilize the observer's ability to feel appreciate the mixing of colors and patterns and internalize them and allow them to relate to the observer's own life. In many ways, music does the same thing with sound. Especially music that has minimal or no lyrics at all. The artist (or composer) uses the sound patterns and pitch to evoke meaning and emotion in the same way that a painter does with color.
One of my very favorite things to do is notice this basic concept in art in various forms of art. How does a chef prepare his/her food in a way that will bring out something personal or emotional in even the slightest degree? I think this way in my work as well, which makes me try to notice it in the work of my colleagues. Because I'm not an artist in the traditional sense, as with my family, I still see my work as art. When I take a language and deconstruct it, then build it back up piece by piece, it is like painting a picture with words, grammar and syntax. I love using etymology, cognates and borrowed words in my art in order to make sense of the language. Understanding the whole picture and relating it to my students and clients in a way that they can internalize and keep as something personal to them. My work might be something hard to see as art, but to me there is no other way to picture it. Even the parts of my job where I have to sit and read book after book, the way that I internalize what I read and organize it in my brain is a form of art that I highly enjoy. It is a process of relating old information with new information and putting in such a way as to be easy to understand and retrieve whenever I might need it.
Though I am not an artist in the traditional sense, I couldn't imagine any part of what I do in any other way. And I think that this is the same for most people actually, whether we are conscious of it or not. At least, if it is something that you enjoy doing or are passionate about. Think about your hobbies; even if it may not seem to be art in the traditional sense I believe that it can easily be perceived as such, which will bring greater satisfaction from the activity in general.
One of my very favorite things to do is notice this basic concept in art in various forms of art. How does a chef prepare his/her food in a way that will bring out something personal or emotional in even the slightest degree? I think this way in my work as well, which makes me try to notice it in the work of my colleagues. Because I'm not an artist in the traditional sense, as with my family, I still see my work as art. When I take a language and deconstruct it, then build it back up piece by piece, it is like painting a picture with words, grammar and syntax. I love using etymology, cognates and borrowed words in my art in order to make sense of the language. Understanding the whole picture and relating it to my students and clients in a way that they can internalize and keep as something personal to them. My work might be something hard to see as art, but to me there is no other way to picture it. Even the parts of my job where I have to sit and read book after book, the way that I internalize what I read and organize it in my brain is a form of art that I highly enjoy. It is a process of relating old information with new information and putting in such a way as to be easy to understand and retrieve whenever I might need it.
Though I am not an artist in the traditional sense, I couldn't imagine any part of what I do in any other way. And I think that this is the same for most people actually, whether we are conscious of it or not. At least, if it is something that you enjoy doing or are passionate about. Think about your hobbies; even if it may not seem to be art in the traditional sense I believe that it can easily be perceived as such, which will bring greater satisfaction from the activity in general.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
The Ethics of Objectivity and Openmindedness
It is not in our nature to be so accepting of change and new ideas. In many ways, being too open to everything can leave one vulnerable and easy to manipulate. Stubbornness can be viewed as a relatively short-term defense mechanism but that by no means justifies it, just as resorting to physical violence before diplomacy is also not justified. That's why I feel so strongly about the way that we should carry out discourse in our society. Why are certain things such taboos when they should seriously be discussed rationally, openly and objectively? I believe it is unethical to to bring up a serious topic that affects our society and specific groups within societies without having an open mind. If one is predetermined to stand his/her ground without any intention of critically analyzing and possibly being persuaded then that person has no business being in any part of the discussion.
The reason I bring this up is because for the past couple of years I have been studying international politics and business more than I ever had before. I have also been involved with the international business world and have observed a plethora of different views, backgrounds and opinions on everything from culture, history and art to business, politics and religion. These experiences in the last couple of years have greatly changed my view of the world and also greatly changed many of my opinions that I once held so strongly. Just to put my point into more real terms, I'll give an example of what I mean.
Religion: What is it? What does it mean to me? Why do I have it in my life? If I am going to base my life around a core belief then I should certainly make sure it is sound and that I can agree with every bit of it, certainly. Any compromise would surely be unacceptable. When I was a child I was indoctrinated in religion, which meant that I pretty much had no choice other than to be a part of the same church and belief system as my parents. And this also means that even though I could decide to be religious or not, I had no knowledge of such options in my youth. Indoctrination is total envelopment; family, friends, community, everyone I knew was religious. But that certainly doesn't affirm validity. Now, having been indoctrinated, was I able to listen to information that might contradict my infused worldview? If I hold the Bible to be the word of God, could I embrace the nice parts and ignore the deplorable parts? I had battled with this dilemma for many years. Actually, ever since I heard the story of Noah's flood I was conflicted. As a young child I argued with myself over and over about how God could be a perfect and loving God yet still consider his own creation to be wicked and resort to global genocide as the best option. Also, in the old testament, rape and murder over harmless "crimes" are not only condoned but mandated. Some stories of mandated slaughter of entire races of people and are told as children's stories. And if we relate these kinds of things to modern day, they would be considered some of the greatest atrocities of all time but since they were in the Bible and performed by the Jews as commanded by God then they are stories of glorious victory. Imagine a church group coming to Taiwan and slaughtering all of the Buddhists and destroying their temples just because they didn't believe in our God. That is what I can't reconcile and so I must be morally honest with myself and drop such a sadistic endorsement.
Now, on the other hand, some might say that the New Testament changes everything. I do believe that Jesus did state that what was said in the Old Testament should still stand, which would be reasonable considering that the Old Testament wasn't thrown out after the second installment. Nevertheless, I was often troubled with the rigid black and white of salvation offered by Christ. Because salvation requires faith, that would mean that salvation requires a suspension of reason. If I want to reasonably conclude whether the historical facts in the Bible are true or not then I would and have honestly concluded most of them to be false. Most historical facts in the Bible absolutely do not match up with actual history. So then, by making this reasonable conclusion I am inevitably damned no matter what kind of a good and otherwise ethical person I might be. Whereas someone of lesser virtue but stronger faith might find salvation by way of either ignorance or shear stupidity. I also cannot reconcile this fatal flaw in such a simple system.
Since I believe it is better to be an ethical person, a loving person and someone who holds the virtues of equality and justness in high regard rather than to be a person of great religious faith then I cannot reconcile the two if that faith requires me to act against those virtues. This is called an objective world view and it means that I don't presume anything. Those virtues were taught, learned and what I consider to be ultimately and universally good.
Hopefully my point is clear enough in that example so that the same process could be reapplied to other examples of taboo issues of our modern day. It is incredibly important that we honestly analyze how our conclusions are made. The happiness and well being of real people are at stake and that is something that we must take very seriously. If one decides to unjustly consider it an abomination or something hideous and unnatural for two men or two women to get married and raise a family together then that person must seriously understand why his/her claims are so strongly believed before ruining the chance for such great happiness in those people's lives. Especially when homosexuality is just as much of an abnormality in nature as my unusual height. To assume otherwise is to be ignorant to scientific fact which, as far as I am concerned, should eject such a person from any serious conversation on the matter. Being strong in your convictions is a good thing as long as your convictions stand for something good and we should be constantly analyzing that key aspect of our convictions, is it true and good? If you can honestly conclude that it holds up, then great! If not then you should have the courage to drop it. I was very scared to drop my virtue of faith because I was constantly reminded of the consequences for my whole life. But when it doesn't hold up then I have to let go, anything less would be dishonest and I cannot live with that. Surely, if I'm wrong then at least a truly loving and all knowing God would understand my true intentions and not punish me for bold honesty in the face of rejection and possible hatred by my peers.
What is objectively good in this world? Well being for all creatures and everything in nature that sustains us, peace and cohabitation with mutual and cooperative progression amongst all humans working together? Or further conflict and oppression based on ancient teachings from people with an extremely limited understanding of the world in which they lived? Objectivity and opendmindedness will lead to peace and progress much faster than the stubborn nature that is found in a subjective world view. Saying things like, "I'm a republican so I'm going to vote for him" gets us nowhere. True change takes courage and if you want to ignore the necessity for change and objectivity then you're only being a part of the problem.
The reason I bring this up is because for the past couple of years I have been studying international politics and business more than I ever had before. I have also been involved with the international business world and have observed a plethora of different views, backgrounds and opinions on everything from culture, history and art to business, politics and religion. These experiences in the last couple of years have greatly changed my view of the world and also greatly changed many of my opinions that I once held so strongly. Just to put my point into more real terms, I'll give an example of what I mean.
Religion: What is it? What does it mean to me? Why do I have it in my life? If I am going to base my life around a core belief then I should certainly make sure it is sound and that I can agree with every bit of it, certainly. Any compromise would surely be unacceptable. When I was a child I was indoctrinated in religion, which meant that I pretty much had no choice other than to be a part of the same church and belief system as my parents. And this also means that even though I could decide to be religious or not, I had no knowledge of such options in my youth. Indoctrination is total envelopment; family, friends, community, everyone I knew was religious. But that certainly doesn't affirm validity. Now, having been indoctrinated, was I able to listen to information that might contradict my infused worldview? If I hold the Bible to be the word of God, could I embrace the nice parts and ignore the deplorable parts? I had battled with this dilemma for many years. Actually, ever since I heard the story of Noah's flood I was conflicted. As a young child I argued with myself over and over about how God could be a perfect and loving God yet still consider his own creation to be wicked and resort to global genocide as the best option. Also, in the old testament, rape and murder over harmless "crimes" are not only condoned but mandated. Some stories of mandated slaughter of entire races of people and are told as children's stories. And if we relate these kinds of things to modern day, they would be considered some of the greatest atrocities of all time but since they were in the Bible and performed by the Jews as commanded by God then they are stories of glorious victory. Imagine a church group coming to Taiwan and slaughtering all of the Buddhists and destroying their temples just because they didn't believe in our God. That is what I can't reconcile and so I must be morally honest with myself and drop such a sadistic endorsement.
Now, on the other hand, some might say that the New Testament changes everything. I do believe that Jesus did state that what was said in the Old Testament should still stand, which would be reasonable considering that the Old Testament wasn't thrown out after the second installment. Nevertheless, I was often troubled with the rigid black and white of salvation offered by Christ. Because salvation requires faith, that would mean that salvation requires a suspension of reason. If I want to reasonably conclude whether the historical facts in the Bible are true or not then I would and have honestly concluded most of them to be false. Most historical facts in the Bible absolutely do not match up with actual history. So then, by making this reasonable conclusion I am inevitably damned no matter what kind of a good and otherwise ethical person I might be. Whereas someone of lesser virtue but stronger faith might find salvation by way of either ignorance or shear stupidity. I also cannot reconcile this fatal flaw in such a simple system.
Since I believe it is better to be an ethical person, a loving person and someone who holds the virtues of equality and justness in high regard rather than to be a person of great religious faith then I cannot reconcile the two if that faith requires me to act against those virtues. This is called an objective world view and it means that I don't presume anything. Those virtues were taught, learned and what I consider to be ultimately and universally good.
Hopefully my point is clear enough in that example so that the same process could be reapplied to other examples of taboo issues of our modern day. It is incredibly important that we honestly analyze how our conclusions are made. The happiness and well being of real people are at stake and that is something that we must take very seriously. If one decides to unjustly consider it an abomination or something hideous and unnatural for two men or two women to get married and raise a family together then that person must seriously understand why his/her claims are so strongly believed before ruining the chance for such great happiness in those people's lives. Especially when homosexuality is just as much of an abnormality in nature as my unusual height. To assume otherwise is to be ignorant to scientific fact which, as far as I am concerned, should eject such a person from any serious conversation on the matter. Being strong in your convictions is a good thing as long as your convictions stand for something good and we should be constantly analyzing that key aspect of our convictions, is it true and good? If you can honestly conclude that it holds up, then great! If not then you should have the courage to drop it. I was very scared to drop my virtue of faith because I was constantly reminded of the consequences for my whole life. But when it doesn't hold up then I have to let go, anything less would be dishonest and I cannot live with that. Surely, if I'm wrong then at least a truly loving and all knowing God would understand my true intentions and not punish me for bold honesty in the face of rejection and possible hatred by my peers.
What is objectively good in this world? Well being for all creatures and everything in nature that sustains us, peace and cohabitation with mutual and cooperative progression amongst all humans working together? Or further conflict and oppression based on ancient teachings from people with an extremely limited understanding of the world in which they lived? Objectivity and opendmindedness will lead to peace and progress much faster than the stubborn nature that is found in a subjective world view. Saying things like, "I'm a republican so I'm going to vote for him" gets us nowhere. True change takes courage and if you want to ignore the necessity for change and objectivity then you're only being a part of the problem.
Friday, May 16, 2014
Finding Motivation
Recently it has been hard to find motivation to keep working hard on reaching my goals. I was at an appointment with a client the other day and I had a sudden and overwhelming desire to just drop everything and move back home. I was feeling sick and exhausted and most of all, just hopeless. We usually have to suppress that little voice inside that says, "you're going to fail, you have no chance and the risk is too big." The whole day I had been listening to that voice and it was really starting to get to me.
So, what do we need to regain our motivation in situations like this? I think it's important to rediscover what inspires us to accomplish our goals and to remember what our goals are. I made a plan and a commitment to do my best to change the world for the better and to do it in the best way that I know how. So, if I give up then I'm not only giving up on myself but I'm also giving up on all the people that I'm committed to helping. I would be letting down my family and community. I would be letting all that inspiration that I gained from all of the amazing people who have inspired me over the years go to waste. Even if it seems hopeless, I've got to at least give it my best effort because if I don't then I'll always regret it. And, on top of that, I'll have wasted one of the most rare and precious forms of second chances.
I realize that not everyone has such a grandiose view on the importance of our time on this little, blue marble. Most people are perfectly content with living adequately, perhaps even mundanely. I think that in many ways, this kind of mentality could bring a lot more happiness and enjoyment out of life. I'm happy for people who can find that kind of happiness and I am a bit green about it too. In many ways, I've given up on trying to find what makes me happy and I just want to focus on improving the world in whatever small way I can while I'm still here. If I happen to find happiness then I guess I would count that as a bonus.
I once worked with a Buddhist monk who told me that happiness comes from selflessness. When you are there for others and love selflessly then happiness and contentment will come along with it. Maybe sometimes I need to refocus on my inspiration rather than my goals in order to find motivation. Ultimately, my goals are in place because I love my family, my friends, my community and my world. I should focus on that inspiration more than on the obstacles, which tend to discourage me and make me depressed. I wish it weren't this way but it is so much easier for me to focus on the evils of this world and the pessimistic world views rather than on the beauty and good things in the world. Pessimism is much more realistic but is not a productive way of thinking. Pessimism holds us back from doing good things and loving selflessly. So, I will try to suppress my pessimism and focus on my inspiration in order to find my motivation. I guess it's the only way I can keep going and avoid giving up.
So, what do we need to regain our motivation in situations like this? I think it's important to rediscover what inspires us to accomplish our goals and to remember what our goals are. I made a plan and a commitment to do my best to change the world for the better and to do it in the best way that I know how. So, if I give up then I'm not only giving up on myself but I'm also giving up on all the people that I'm committed to helping. I would be letting down my family and community. I would be letting all that inspiration that I gained from all of the amazing people who have inspired me over the years go to waste. Even if it seems hopeless, I've got to at least give it my best effort because if I don't then I'll always regret it. And, on top of that, I'll have wasted one of the most rare and precious forms of second chances.
I realize that not everyone has such a grandiose view on the importance of our time on this little, blue marble. Most people are perfectly content with living adequately, perhaps even mundanely. I think that in many ways, this kind of mentality could bring a lot more happiness and enjoyment out of life. I'm happy for people who can find that kind of happiness and I am a bit green about it too. In many ways, I've given up on trying to find what makes me happy and I just want to focus on improving the world in whatever small way I can while I'm still here. If I happen to find happiness then I guess I would count that as a bonus.
I once worked with a Buddhist monk who told me that happiness comes from selflessness. When you are there for others and love selflessly then happiness and contentment will come along with it. Maybe sometimes I need to refocus on my inspiration rather than my goals in order to find motivation. Ultimately, my goals are in place because I love my family, my friends, my community and my world. I should focus on that inspiration more than on the obstacles, which tend to discourage me and make me depressed. I wish it weren't this way but it is so much easier for me to focus on the evils of this world and the pessimistic world views rather than on the beauty and good things in the world. Pessimism is much more realistic but is not a productive way of thinking. Pessimism holds us back from doing good things and loving selflessly. So, I will try to suppress my pessimism and focus on my inspiration in order to find my motivation. I guess it's the only way I can keep going and avoid giving up.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Living In London
Though I didn't live in London for long, it was a really great experience. I haven't seen as much of Europe as I would like but so far London makes me feel more warm and at home than any other European city so far. I feel this way because of my family there. It's so nice taking the tube up to Colindale station, walking up the hill in Brent and being greeted by my aunt and the doggies. The house is warm and comfortable. We drink lots of tea and have lots of fun conversations. My aunt's boyfriend is Irish and he's a really fun guy. He's a bit scary looking cause of his stone-cold look of indifference/determination, but once you get him talking it's hard to get him to say anything besides a joke. My cousin is fun too; we would hangout when he's not working. Sometimes he'd go with me to explore the city but mostly he's a busy guy.
I lived there for less than 3 months but it was just what I needed at the end of my time in Germany. I had already been to London to visit several times, each time having an absolute blast. But this time, I just needed a decompression period. Germany was draining on me mentally. I still did a lot of research and analysis while I was on my "hiatus" but ultimately I needed to take it easy for the sake of my health. It is absolutely imperative that I maintain my stress level due to my condition. So I tried to make the most of my time there because I knew that my transition into Taiwan would be stressful too. I took many walking tours of central London and visited nearly every major museum and historical site, though I had already seen most of them before. Some of my favorite spots I would revisit several times and I took these opportunities to get some good writing done.
I also did some stand-up comedy at a club in Holborn, which isn't too far from Leicester Square. I only did two sets there but that was just what I needed. Actually, I was very lucky to have the opportunity because usually performances are booked for several months in advance. I got myself on stage though and I got invited back the very next week. Doing stand-up is one of my greatest thrills, there's nothing like making a room full of people laugh and applaud while you're standing up there with a mic and lights are glaring down on you. I don't think I've ever felt so cool; wearing a chic turtle neck with a pea-coat and posh, Londoner boots complete with a rugged 5 o'clock shadow and whiskey in hand. Many people at the club thought I was German at first, but I really felt like a Londoner. My first set was gold, it felt awesome! I came out of that club feeling like a million bucks. The other comedians there all had distinct styles, and I think that my style was also pretty distinct from them. Definitely one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.
I also had a short relationship with a really sweet girl. It's really too bad that it didn't work out because we had a lot of fun clubbing and going to restaurants and we really got on well. But our life courses just didn't line up and so I'm just thankful for the time that we had and for the opportunity to know such a great person. We had a really romantic walk through Green Park in the rain and we sat at the fountain in front of Buckingham Palace at night, the lights and the rainy mist were beautiful. We headed down towards the Thames where we stopped on a bridge that crossed a small stream in the middle of the park on our way where we saw a brilliant view of the London Eye. As we continued through the park it was dark and misty so I thought it would be the perfect time to tell her a spooky ghost story, which I could finish just as we came out of the park. It was an exciting stroll through the park. When we got closer to the Thames we found a quaint little pub where we met a nice couple who bought us a round. The pubs in Westminster are very nice, quaint and seem to have all of London's most friendly people.
I also had a few outings with my Taiwanese friends there. We mostly went to some nice restaurants and in and out of downtown shops. One day we went to St. Catherine's Pier to pick out some yachts to rent for Chinese New Year. We toured two yachts, one of which was relatively recently rented by Justin Timberlake. Unfortunately I was already in Taiwan by the time my friends enjoyed them but it was really cool to go on the tour and check out these magnificent vessels. St. Catherine's Pier is a really nice place to visit too, lots of nice views, shops and restaurants around there. The Tower of London is right next door as well, which added to classical ambiance of the area . We also had a nice little trip to the Natural History Museum after that. It's hard to decide but I think that the Natural History Museum is my favorite in London. It's not far from Harrods and the area is pleasant even just for a leisurely stroll.
All in all, I love London. It's where I feel most at home in Europe. It inspires me every time I visit and I really love the culture and especially the people. From Camden Market to Piccadilly Circus, there's something for every kind of person. You can go down along the canal in Camden down and get a greasy burrito with Bang Bang Chicken for less than 5 quid or be posh on Oxford Street or at Harrods. In my experience, most people on the tube are friendly too. I might have had some bad experiences in London but, honestly, I can't really remember them because they are drowned out by all of the good ones.
I lived there for less than 3 months but it was just what I needed at the end of my time in Germany. I had already been to London to visit several times, each time having an absolute blast. But this time, I just needed a decompression period. Germany was draining on me mentally. I still did a lot of research and analysis while I was on my "hiatus" but ultimately I needed to take it easy for the sake of my health. It is absolutely imperative that I maintain my stress level due to my condition. So I tried to make the most of my time there because I knew that my transition into Taiwan would be stressful too. I took many walking tours of central London and visited nearly every major museum and historical site, though I had already seen most of them before. Some of my favorite spots I would revisit several times and I took these opportunities to get some good writing done.
I also did some stand-up comedy at a club in Holborn, which isn't too far from Leicester Square. I only did two sets there but that was just what I needed. Actually, I was very lucky to have the opportunity because usually performances are booked for several months in advance. I got myself on stage though and I got invited back the very next week. Doing stand-up is one of my greatest thrills, there's nothing like making a room full of people laugh and applaud while you're standing up there with a mic and lights are glaring down on you. I don't think I've ever felt so cool; wearing a chic turtle neck with a pea-coat and posh, Londoner boots complete with a rugged 5 o'clock shadow and whiskey in hand. Many people at the club thought I was German at first, but I really felt like a Londoner. My first set was gold, it felt awesome! I came out of that club feeling like a million bucks. The other comedians there all had distinct styles, and I think that my style was also pretty distinct from them. Definitely one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.
I also had a short relationship with a really sweet girl. It's really too bad that it didn't work out because we had a lot of fun clubbing and going to restaurants and we really got on well. But our life courses just didn't line up and so I'm just thankful for the time that we had and for the opportunity to know such a great person. We had a really romantic walk through Green Park in the rain and we sat at the fountain in front of Buckingham Palace at night, the lights and the rainy mist were beautiful. We headed down towards the Thames where we stopped on a bridge that crossed a small stream in the middle of the park on our way where we saw a brilliant view of the London Eye. As we continued through the park it was dark and misty so I thought it would be the perfect time to tell her a spooky ghost story, which I could finish just as we came out of the park. It was an exciting stroll through the park. When we got closer to the Thames we found a quaint little pub where we met a nice couple who bought us a round. The pubs in Westminster are very nice, quaint and seem to have all of London's most friendly people.
I also had a few outings with my Taiwanese friends there. We mostly went to some nice restaurants and in and out of downtown shops. One day we went to St. Catherine's Pier to pick out some yachts to rent for Chinese New Year. We toured two yachts, one of which was relatively recently rented by Justin Timberlake. Unfortunately I was already in Taiwan by the time my friends enjoyed them but it was really cool to go on the tour and check out these magnificent vessels. St. Catherine's Pier is a really nice place to visit too, lots of nice views, shops and restaurants around there. The Tower of London is right next door as well, which added to classical ambiance of the area . We also had a nice little trip to the Natural History Museum after that. It's hard to decide but I think that the Natural History Museum is my favorite in London. It's not far from Harrods and the area is pleasant even just for a leisurely stroll.
All in all, I love London. It's where I feel most at home in Europe. It inspires me every time I visit and I really love the culture and especially the people. From Camden Market to Piccadilly Circus, there's something for every kind of person. You can go down along the canal in Camden down and get a greasy burrito with Bang Bang Chicken for less than 5 quid or be posh on Oxford Street or at Harrods. In my experience, most people on the tube are friendly too. I might have had some bad experiences in London but, honestly, I can't really remember them because they are drowned out by all of the good ones.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Labels
I've never really been happy with labeling people for as long as I can remember. If you categorize people I think it is much easier to make opposition or have blind disagreements. Of course, we usually find the disagreement first then categorize but that doesn't make it any better. To put this topic into more real terms, I am talking about labeling individuals according to beliefs, race and other grey areas. In my opinion, acceptable labels are nationality and occupation. At least with those labels there is something definite and usable. If I only have one sentence to introduce myself as generally as possible, I think that the most honest and efficient way to do it would be: Raymond Bentson, an American Linguist. If I put on other labels about myself, then I think that I would feel like I'd have to explain about each one because I can't fully agree with labeling myself as "a Conservative" or "a Liberal" for example.
If I were to say I'm a conservative, I just couldn't agree with that. We need to be progressive and advance our society. The whole sense of any conservative organization is that we should retain old beliefs and traditions. Those who can't change and won't change are foolish and are more or less saying that they refuse to grow. I can't agree with that and I think this is also a very weak way of thinking. It takes courage to admit that you need to grow and improve. When a tradition is bad and out of date then we need to drop it and move on. And as we learn more and more we should be constantly updating ourselves. Tradition is fun but not at all necessary.
I also refuse to label myself as a liberal even though the meaning of the word is much more agreeable. I don't agree with the pretentiousness that I see from this group so it's hard for me to want to endorse it. They seem so quick to be "politically correct" that they seem to miss the point. If you get so caught up in protecting your label that is opposed to another label then you can entirely miss the point of what it means to be liberal. Which, from what I can understand, is to treat everyone equally and fairly, don't play favorites and don't discriminate against others because of miniscule differences like race, gender or sexuality. I agree with that mentality but I don't agree with the political party that seems to represent it. What's worse is to say whether I'm a republican or a democrat, which I truly think hurts our country to have such a ridiculous black and white situation. They are both bad parties, in my opinion. It is always like picking the lesser of two evils which is never a good way to go about labeling oneself. "Yeah, this one is evil but still less evil than that one. So... I'll join that group!" This is why I won't pick either one, if they are both evil then I will reject them both.
Now, this can be said for race and sexuality as well. Don't get race confused with ethnicity, though. Ethnicity refers to one's heritage, family origin and history. Race is biologically nonexistent, anyone who studies biology knows that. Ethnicity, on the other hand, is a very important factor to consider when dealing with travel, culture, and sometimes health. Sexuality must be understood properly as well and it is all to often misunderstood. It is wrong to think of there being only 3 options: hetero, homo or bi. Sexuality is a sliding scale, everybody has their own individual sexual desires. I am mostly heterosexual because my preferences sexually are towards women. That doesn't mean that I am sexually attracted to all women, just the ones that I find desirable. I am not sexually attracted to men yet I can appreciate when a man is attractive. If I were homosexual, I wouldn't necessarily be attracted to every man I see. That is preposterous to assume. Therefore, in my opinion it is equally as unfair and unjust to discriminate sexuality as it is race in a political arena. If this is new to any of my readers then I strongly encourage you to study about human sexuality from a non-bias source. There are many sources with strong biases and agendas out there, so please research carefully. I would provide a link for a reference but I got this information from my medical classes in college and my materials are at home in the states.
Another label that has bothered me since a very young age has been religious affiliation. I never understood why I had to say which kind of Christian I was. Sure, there are differences between the sects but we all basically have the same information and agree in general. Catholics don't have some secret information that only they are allowed to see and the same with Lutherans or Methodists. Mormons have even more information but they still want to evangelize and convert people, to whom they will show their information. But the important thing to remember is that none of it is proof. I was in the Assemblies of God since I was little and we had our beliefs which were a little bit different from other denominations. The differences were in the interpretation of scripture, not in the provision of evidence. So how could I possibly assert that my interpretation was more correct than another person's? I couldn't so I never actually became a member. The only reason that I went to that church was because my family attended. I found it to be enjoyable and I love the people there but that doesn't have any bearing at all on the validity of one's beliefs. When I moved to Germany I was required to state which division of Christianity I was. It actually made me quite irritated, I thought that it was none of their damn business. I went to church a few times in the little village and I realized that I was making no progress in pursuing truth by way of church anyway. They tell nice stories, most of which are not exclusive to the bible anyway, and some of the more deplorable parts talk about murder and genocide in the name of God as if it were a good thing. I took a step back and realized that I really needed to prove to myself why I could even call myself a Christian. What was my reasoning? So I got to the bottom of it and found nothing. So my label was found improper and had to be removed. But just because I removed that label doesn't mean I stopped looking for answers. I believe it is foolish to ever think that you have all of the answers.
Now, I have presented myself with a problem: I don't like labels when it comes to categories that I don't feel comfortable squeezing myself into. I don't like the general terms, "conservative" or "liberal" so socially I must consider myself moderate. I don't like labeling race but socially I must consider myself white. Sexuality is far more complex than simply 3 categories but society needs me to identify myself as heterosexual. I can't agree with any of the world's religions so I am nonreligious, not agnostic because I have certainly been able to reasonably conclude that none of the world's major religions are true. There are labels for everything but I feel rather uncomfortable with most of them. I am simply and complexly Raymond Bentson, an American Linguist. If you want to know more then get to know me, don't judge me according to shallow and generalizing labels. That is ignorance and will lead to misunderstanding.
If I were to say I'm a conservative, I just couldn't agree with that. We need to be progressive and advance our society. The whole sense of any conservative organization is that we should retain old beliefs and traditions. Those who can't change and won't change are foolish and are more or less saying that they refuse to grow. I can't agree with that and I think this is also a very weak way of thinking. It takes courage to admit that you need to grow and improve. When a tradition is bad and out of date then we need to drop it and move on. And as we learn more and more we should be constantly updating ourselves. Tradition is fun but not at all necessary.
I also refuse to label myself as a liberal even though the meaning of the word is much more agreeable. I don't agree with the pretentiousness that I see from this group so it's hard for me to want to endorse it. They seem so quick to be "politically correct" that they seem to miss the point. If you get so caught up in protecting your label that is opposed to another label then you can entirely miss the point of what it means to be liberal. Which, from what I can understand, is to treat everyone equally and fairly, don't play favorites and don't discriminate against others because of miniscule differences like race, gender or sexuality. I agree with that mentality but I don't agree with the political party that seems to represent it. What's worse is to say whether I'm a republican or a democrat, which I truly think hurts our country to have such a ridiculous black and white situation. They are both bad parties, in my opinion. It is always like picking the lesser of two evils which is never a good way to go about labeling oneself. "Yeah, this one is evil but still less evil than that one. So... I'll join that group!" This is why I won't pick either one, if they are both evil then I will reject them both.
Now, this can be said for race and sexuality as well. Don't get race confused with ethnicity, though. Ethnicity refers to one's heritage, family origin and history. Race is biologically nonexistent, anyone who studies biology knows that. Ethnicity, on the other hand, is a very important factor to consider when dealing with travel, culture, and sometimes health. Sexuality must be understood properly as well and it is all to often misunderstood. It is wrong to think of there being only 3 options: hetero, homo or bi. Sexuality is a sliding scale, everybody has their own individual sexual desires. I am mostly heterosexual because my preferences sexually are towards women. That doesn't mean that I am sexually attracted to all women, just the ones that I find desirable. I am not sexually attracted to men yet I can appreciate when a man is attractive. If I were homosexual, I wouldn't necessarily be attracted to every man I see. That is preposterous to assume. Therefore, in my opinion it is equally as unfair and unjust to discriminate sexuality as it is race in a political arena. If this is new to any of my readers then I strongly encourage you to study about human sexuality from a non-bias source. There are many sources with strong biases and agendas out there, so please research carefully. I would provide a link for a reference but I got this information from my medical classes in college and my materials are at home in the states.
Another label that has bothered me since a very young age has been religious affiliation. I never understood why I had to say which kind of Christian I was. Sure, there are differences between the sects but we all basically have the same information and agree in general. Catholics don't have some secret information that only they are allowed to see and the same with Lutherans or Methodists. Mormons have even more information but they still want to evangelize and convert people, to whom they will show their information. But the important thing to remember is that none of it is proof. I was in the Assemblies of God since I was little and we had our beliefs which were a little bit different from other denominations. The differences were in the interpretation of scripture, not in the provision of evidence. So how could I possibly assert that my interpretation was more correct than another person's? I couldn't so I never actually became a member. The only reason that I went to that church was because my family attended. I found it to be enjoyable and I love the people there but that doesn't have any bearing at all on the validity of one's beliefs. When I moved to Germany I was required to state which division of Christianity I was. It actually made me quite irritated, I thought that it was none of their damn business. I went to church a few times in the little village and I realized that I was making no progress in pursuing truth by way of church anyway. They tell nice stories, most of which are not exclusive to the bible anyway, and some of the more deplorable parts talk about murder and genocide in the name of God as if it were a good thing. I took a step back and realized that I really needed to prove to myself why I could even call myself a Christian. What was my reasoning? So I got to the bottom of it and found nothing. So my label was found improper and had to be removed. But just because I removed that label doesn't mean I stopped looking for answers. I believe it is foolish to ever think that you have all of the answers.
Now, I have presented myself with a problem: I don't like labels when it comes to categories that I don't feel comfortable squeezing myself into. I don't like the general terms, "conservative" or "liberal" so socially I must consider myself moderate. I don't like labeling race but socially I must consider myself white. Sexuality is far more complex than simply 3 categories but society needs me to identify myself as heterosexual. I can't agree with any of the world's religions so I am nonreligious, not agnostic because I have certainly been able to reasonably conclude that none of the world's major religions are true. There are labels for everything but I feel rather uncomfortable with most of them. I am simply and complexly Raymond Bentson, an American Linguist. If you want to know more then get to know me, don't judge me according to shallow and generalizing labels. That is ignorance and will lead to misunderstanding.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Living in Germany
For most of 2013 I lived in Hämelerwald, Germany. It is a small village outside of Hanover which is the capital city of Lower-Saxony in northern Germany. It's a manageable drive nearly directly south of Hamburg. I lived in a house in the center of the village very close to the train station. Details on my living situation will be withheld to protect the sensitivity of some of those involved. My main purpose was to perform linguistic research. But before I could start that, I needed to get settled.
Once settled, I ventured out to find clients for my research. I found some great people and they were very cooperative and easy to work with. Very hospitable people, I felt warm and accepted there. There was just one problem with my clients, the Greek couple. They were very nice and gracious except that they were constantly very late even after I had traveled far to meet with them. I dropped them as clients after two weeks because I couldn't tolerate such behavior especially when they thought that I should just be understanding and patient rather than them trying to be more punctual. But this post isn't about my work, in fact, I am making a conscious effort to keep work details out of my posts. Suffice it to say, my research produced great results. Also, I am so lucky to have had such great clients. I felt welcomed and appreciated at every appointment.
I was required to attend German classes at a university in Hanover by the immigration office under terms of my residence. My German up to that point was almost entirely self-taught. It was nice to make a bi-weekly trip into the city. My classmates were really great; there was a polish couple, a Chinese girl and a few other people that I can't quite remember. The classes were a total waste of time, however. There was one good teacher who I had for two days, the rest of the time was some of the most pointless study time I have ever endured. The material was weak and the teacher had no concept of creativity. My German was far superior to anyone in the class and everyone had already been studying for several years while I had five months. I actually skipped a couple of levels via the entry exam. I could have skipped more but I didn't want to make things unnecessarily hard for myself. My teacher asked me how I could learn so fast and I just simply said, "I'm not wasting my time on bullshit." I think that my attitude must have been annoying for others in the class, so I wish I could apologize for that but it was seriously a waste of time and money. I could learn German much more efficiently studying on my own while using it in everyday life. I learned very quickly in my quaint little village.
For as nice as my situation was in Germany, I feel like it changed me quite a bit. I became anti-social. I spent many hours walking in the forest and deeply thinking about the things I was studying. The majority of the time I was in my room reading and writing. I came down for meals and afternoon coffee. That was really pleasant. Actually, the afternoon coffee with my German family was probably overall the most enjoyable part of my time in Germany. We had pleasant conversation and we really got to know each other better. I really wish this could be a part of American culture. It's such a common thing in Europe and I really love it. In the summer we would move out into the back garden and have afternoon beer, which was even better. The back garden was like a postcard. I am happy that I could live there mostly because the people were really warm and loving but also because there was a lot of countryside all around me. I felt more at home being surrounded by corn fields. I most of my exercise walking around the fields and doing pushups. There were also many windmills around, which constantly reminded me that I was in Germany.
I also spent a lot of time in Hanover for various reasons. Mostly to network, in which I had great success. I met all kinds of great people. I met an awesome brit named Phil who had some really cool roommates. They taught me about all of the festivals in Hanover the fun way. The festivals were fun but expensive, lots of beer and schnapps. In Hanover there is a unique tradition where you drink the schnapps from a little glass which is suspended above your beer glass by your middle finger. The schnapps pours into your beer as you drink it. If you are unskilled then you make quite a mess. It's called Luettje Lager and you mustn't drink it alone. We also had a great time at an Excalibur restaurant. I was named king for whatever reason; and I named Phil as my jester. We often went out to some Irish or English pubs too. Another friend, Jakob, would watch American football with me at my favorite pub in town. Great people, good food and live Irish folk music on Thursdays. Also, the waitresses were friendly and very attractive.
Outside of my social life I studied, worked or traveled to London to visit my family there. I also really enjoyed just walking by myself around to different parts of the city. The city hall or Haupt Rathaus as its called in German, is a stunning building. But what is especially interesting are the models of the city in four different time periods on the ground floor. One of Hanover in the Middle Ages, another just before WWII, one just after the whole city was bombed in WWII and the last model is of modern Hanover. There are some buildings that were left in ruins as a memorial but most are all restored. Also, Hitler's influence still echos as the city's central lake was man-made as part of his effort to restore Germany's economy. There are many clues of Nazi presence like the statue of the perfect Aryan athlete that once had the swastika on its base. Another pair of statues depicting perfect form further on down the trail. Also, on the other end of the lake there stands two lions at the top of a small flight of stairs which are more Nazi symbolism according to the description that I read on site. Though I spent a lot of time at that lake because it provided me with gorgeous views and a relaxing environment, my favorite place in Hanover must have been the Marktkirche (market church). It is an impressive church and has a beautiful market area around it. Shops, cafes and restaurants fill the narrow streets around this part of town all the way to the moat which used to be the town's border. I also went into nearly every museum in downtown which was overwhelmingly fascinating.
One place that I went, however, I may have entered illegally. There is a smaller replica of he garden of Versailles a little way out of downtown. I went there and discovered it on accident. I had no idea about it before and actually said to myself, "this looks so much like Versailles" without knowing that was pretty much what i was looking at. I totally just wandered in without a thought as to what I was doing. I did see a line at the main gate but I decided not to go that route because there was a perfectly good entrance underneath the glass cafe. I didn't feel like I was sneaking in because I was totally in the open, anyone could see me but nobody stopped me. I thought that if I were doing something wrong, then surely someone would stop me. I kept waiting for that hand on the shoulder and the frightening question, "hallo! Was machen Sie?" I took many pictures and enjoyed the garden for several hours then went home. No problems at all.
I really enjoyed my time in Germany; the scenery, the history, the culture, the food, the beer and especially the people. I enjoyed it except for what it did to me, the work culture and pressure made me cynical and somewhat anti-social. I regret that a lot because I am usually not like that. I believe that I did good work but the pressure really got to me. I especially avoided certain people who caused me more stress which caused me to dread seeing those people. I became closed off and negative which I am still trying to bounce back from. Be that as it was, I still have every desire to go back. Roofing with the neighbors after a hailstorm, having a beer and friendly conversation on the back patio, observing and partaking in German culture; it's a great experience and it really changed me and brought the German part of me to life. I love my German family and neighbors and I will be back as soon as I can. I also miss my friends, so I hope I can see them again too.
Once settled, I ventured out to find clients for my research. I found some great people and they were very cooperative and easy to work with. Very hospitable people, I felt warm and accepted there. There was just one problem with my clients, the Greek couple. They were very nice and gracious except that they were constantly very late even after I had traveled far to meet with them. I dropped them as clients after two weeks because I couldn't tolerate such behavior especially when they thought that I should just be understanding and patient rather than them trying to be more punctual. But this post isn't about my work, in fact, I am making a conscious effort to keep work details out of my posts. Suffice it to say, my research produced great results. Also, I am so lucky to have had such great clients. I felt welcomed and appreciated at every appointment.
I was required to attend German classes at a university in Hanover by the immigration office under terms of my residence. My German up to that point was almost entirely self-taught. It was nice to make a bi-weekly trip into the city. My classmates were really great; there was a polish couple, a Chinese girl and a few other people that I can't quite remember. The classes were a total waste of time, however. There was one good teacher who I had for two days, the rest of the time was some of the most pointless study time I have ever endured. The material was weak and the teacher had no concept of creativity. My German was far superior to anyone in the class and everyone had already been studying for several years while I had five months. I actually skipped a couple of levels via the entry exam. I could have skipped more but I didn't want to make things unnecessarily hard for myself. My teacher asked me how I could learn so fast and I just simply said, "I'm not wasting my time on bullshit." I think that my attitude must have been annoying for others in the class, so I wish I could apologize for that but it was seriously a waste of time and money. I could learn German much more efficiently studying on my own while using it in everyday life. I learned very quickly in my quaint little village.
For as nice as my situation was in Germany, I feel like it changed me quite a bit. I became anti-social. I spent many hours walking in the forest and deeply thinking about the things I was studying. The majority of the time I was in my room reading and writing. I came down for meals and afternoon coffee. That was really pleasant. Actually, the afternoon coffee with my German family was probably overall the most enjoyable part of my time in Germany. We had pleasant conversation and we really got to know each other better. I really wish this could be a part of American culture. It's such a common thing in Europe and I really love it. In the summer we would move out into the back garden and have afternoon beer, which was even better. The back garden was like a postcard. I am happy that I could live there mostly because the people were really warm and loving but also because there was a lot of countryside all around me. I felt more at home being surrounded by corn fields. I most of my exercise walking around the fields and doing pushups. There were also many windmills around, which constantly reminded me that I was in Germany.
I also spent a lot of time in Hanover for various reasons. Mostly to network, in which I had great success. I met all kinds of great people. I met an awesome brit named Phil who had some really cool roommates. They taught me about all of the festivals in Hanover the fun way. The festivals were fun but expensive, lots of beer and schnapps. In Hanover there is a unique tradition where you drink the schnapps from a little glass which is suspended above your beer glass by your middle finger. The schnapps pours into your beer as you drink it. If you are unskilled then you make quite a mess. It's called Luettje Lager and you mustn't drink it alone. We also had a great time at an Excalibur restaurant. I was named king for whatever reason; and I named Phil as my jester. We often went out to some Irish or English pubs too. Another friend, Jakob, would watch American football with me at my favorite pub in town. Great people, good food and live Irish folk music on Thursdays. Also, the waitresses were friendly and very attractive.
Outside of my social life I studied, worked or traveled to London to visit my family there. I also really enjoyed just walking by myself around to different parts of the city. The city hall or Haupt Rathaus as its called in German, is a stunning building. But what is especially interesting are the models of the city in four different time periods on the ground floor. One of Hanover in the Middle Ages, another just before WWII, one just after the whole city was bombed in WWII and the last model is of modern Hanover. There are some buildings that were left in ruins as a memorial but most are all restored. Also, Hitler's influence still echos as the city's central lake was man-made as part of his effort to restore Germany's economy. There are many clues of Nazi presence like the statue of the perfect Aryan athlete that once had the swastika on its base. Another pair of statues depicting perfect form further on down the trail. Also, on the other end of the lake there stands two lions at the top of a small flight of stairs which are more Nazi symbolism according to the description that I read on site. Though I spent a lot of time at that lake because it provided me with gorgeous views and a relaxing environment, my favorite place in Hanover must have been the Marktkirche (market church). It is an impressive church and has a beautiful market area around it. Shops, cafes and restaurants fill the narrow streets around this part of town all the way to the moat which used to be the town's border. I also went into nearly every museum in downtown which was overwhelmingly fascinating.
One place that I went, however, I may have entered illegally. There is a smaller replica of he garden of Versailles a little way out of downtown. I went there and discovered it on accident. I had no idea about it before and actually said to myself, "this looks so much like Versailles" without knowing that was pretty much what i was looking at. I totally just wandered in without a thought as to what I was doing. I did see a line at the main gate but I decided not to go that route because there was a perfectly good entrance underneath the glass cafe. I didn't feel like I was sneaking in because I was totally in the open, anyone could see me but nobody stopped me. I thought that if I were doing something wrong, then surely someone would stop me. I kept waiting for that hand on the shoulder and the frightening question, "hallo! Was machen Sie?" I took many pictures and enjoyed the garden for several hours then went home. No problems at all.
I really enjoyed my time in Germany; the scenery, the history, the culture, the food, the beer and especially the people. I enjoyed it except for what it did to me, the work culture and pressure made me cynical and somewhat anti-social. I regret that a lot because I am usually not like that. I believe that I did good work but the pressure really got to me. I especially avoided certain people who caused me more stress which caused me to dread seeing those people. I became closed off and negative which I am still trying to bounce back from. Be that as it was, I still have every desire to go back. Roofing with the neighbors after a hailstorm, having a beer and friendly conversation on the back patio, observing and partaking in German culture; it's a great experience and it really changed me and brought the German part of me to life. I love my German family and neighbors and I will be back as soon as I can. I also miss my friends, so I hope I can see them again too.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
The Majesty of the Puff II
Rolling, dodging, bobbing, weaving; the Scooty Puff Jr. doesn't known its limits. The road tries to suggest limits and so does the owner's manual, but that's the beautiful thing about being a machine: machines can't read.
The traveler is a busy man, constantly having to go to one place or another. Quickly jetting into some random establishment then mounting the Puff and getting out of there quickly. Each scoot seemed urgent, so each scoot was taken with great vigor. Debris, pedestrians and other vehicles were all seen as obstacles around which the Puff could easily maneuver. Brakes were for the destination, not the route. This was the motto that the Scooty Puff Jr. lived by. The overwhelming size the its operator proved to be an advantage. The traveler could more easily manipulate the direction of the scooter as rapidly as needed.Jumps and hops were also more effortless than if the operator were of smaller stature. At the end of the day, you could say that they were a perfect match.
One day the traveler came running to the Puff in a hurry. He jumped on, started it up and took off while constantly looking back to check on his pursuers. There were two men on black motorcycles chasing him. He had to weave through the busy streets of this small Asian town like a bolt of lightning if he wanted to get away. These were no scooters, they were racing bikes. They had the traveler out matched and out numbered, so he had to use the Puff to his advantage. The pursuers took out fully automatic hand guns and were firing on them, so they took a sharp turn and went up a narrow alley. The motorcycles flew by not able to adjust so such a quick maneuver. They continued up the corridor where it came to an end but luckily there was an open door that led into one of the buildings. The Scooty Puff was small enough to venture through the door. They found an exit that led into a city park, the traveler peered out into the surrounding greenery and saw no sign of the pursuers. "I lost them!" He remarked to himself with confidence. Just then the two motorcycles came rushing around the corner of one of the buildings and the chase continued through the park. They flew by pedestrians and local wildlife until they came to the harbor. The traveler stopped at the beginning of a pier and waited for the motorcycles to catch up. They saw him and stopped, waiting to see what he was planning to do. They couldn't wait any longer and started for him once more. The traveler and the Puff went down the pier gaining as much speed as they could, the motorcycles were catching up quickly and just when one of the riders nearly caught the traveler, they met the end of the pier. The Puff jumped and landed safely on a small fishing boat. The two motorcycles had far too much speed and horsepower which made them overshoot the boat and plummet into the unforgiving water. The traveler knew that his Puff would land safely in the boat because of the manageable size and velocity of the modest machine. He looked down and patted his trusted companion on the headlight, "that's the last time that I'll dine and dash in this town." And they floated majestically off into the sunset...
The traveler is a busy man, constantly having to go to one place or another. Quickly jetting into some random establishment then mounting the Puff and getting out of there quickly. Each scoot seemed urgent, so each scoot was taken with great vigor. Debris, pedestrians and other vehicles were all seen as obstacles around which the Puff could easily maneuver. Brakes were for the destination, not the route. This was the motto that the Scooty Puff Jr. lived by. The overwhelming size the its operator proved to be an advantage. The traveler could more easily manipulate the direction of the scooter as rapidly as needed.Jumps and hops were also more effortless than if the operator were of smaller stature. At the end of the day, you could say that they were a perfect match.
One day the traveler came running to the Puff in a hurry. He jumped on, started it up and took off while constantly looking back to check on his pursuers. There were two men on black motorcycles chasing him. He had to weave through the busy streets of this small Asian town like a bolt of lightning if he wanted to get away. These were no scooters, they were racing bikes. They had the traveler out matched and out numbered, so he had to use the Puff to his advantage. The pursuers took out fully automatic hand guns and were firing on them, so they took a sharp turn and went up a narrow alley. The motorcycles flew by not able to adjust so such a quick maneuver. They continued up the corridor where it came to an end but luckily there was an open door that led into one of the buildings. The Scooty Puff was small enough to venture through the door. They found an exit that led into a city park, the traveler peered out into the surrounding greenery and saw no sign of the pursuers. "I lost them!" He remarked to himself with confidence. Just then the two motorcycles came rushing around the corner of one of the buildings and the chase continued through the park. They flew by pedestrians and local wildlife until they came to the harbor. The traveler stopped at the beginning of a pier and waited for the motorcycles to catch up. They saw him and stopped, waiting to see what he was planning to do. They couldn't wait any longer and started for him once more. The traveler and the Puff went down the pier gaining as much speed as they could, the motorcycles were catching up quickly and just when one of the riders nearly caught the traveler, they met the end of the pier. The Puff jumped and landed safely on a small fishing boat. The two motorcycles had far too much speed and horsepower which made them overshoot the boat and plummet into the unforgiving water. The traveler knew that his Puff would land safely in the boat because of the manageable size and velocity of the modest machine. He looked down and patted his trusted companion on the headlight, "that's the last time that I'll dine and dash in this town." And they floated majestically off into the sunset...
Thursday, April 17, 2014
The Elephant in the Room
As most of those who know me are aware, I have survived and continue to survive a terminal prognosis which particularly affects my brain and heart. I have been contemplating whether or not to write about it in my blog; and after seeking the advice of some friends, I have decided to lay it out so that it is clear to everyone what it is, how it affects me and how I survived it. For those of you who are already in the know on this, I will also take this opportunity to update you on my condition.
It is called Abnormal Mitochondrial Disease. In my particular case, it is located in the 2nd complex of the mitochondria of my cells. Little is known about the condition and especially about my particular mutation. This condition is more commonly found in the 4th or 5th complexes of the mitochondria, not in the 2nd. Even more bizarre is that my case was extremely difficult for doctors to diagnose because it has such a huge variety of symptoms. Another interesting fact is that it can only be passed on by females because babies get their mitochondria from the mother during gestation. The only way that I was able to be diagnosed with a reasonable degree of certainty is with a fresh tissue sample from muscle. For that I had to travel to Cleveland where I underwent the operation at the Cleveland Clinic. The original sighting of any neural anomalies was in Seattle after a doctor took a second look at an MRI taken in Olympia where doctors had originally found nothing. A second MRI had revealed that the mass in the first MRI had grown from a hardly recognizable speck to the size of two AAA batteries side by side surrounding my brain-stem. By that point I was hardly able to walk, breathe, hear properly, speak or eat solid foods.It seemed hopeless to everyone but (spoiler alert!) I'm still alive!!
As my family and I reflect on my early childhood, there were signs that could have indicated that it had been affecting me for many years. I had many breathing issues that were misdiagnosed as asthma or being out of shape. I was trained to push myself but I was actually just killing myself faster as I pushed myself in sports and work. My dad has always been a great athlete and a hard worker so I naturally followed his example until I just couldn't take it anymore. The first significantly noticeable signs were in high-school. I just started to vomit every morning, once and without any warning or reasonable association with my environment. Some teachers started to supply me with a barf-bucket and I became a bit isolated. But my friends and everyone at Elma High School were just amazingly understanding. There were jokes but it was just good fun. It didn't hurt at first, it just was concerning. I became very skinny even though I was already super skinny to begin with. I went from 185lbes to 155lbs in a matter of a couple of months. At roughly 6'2", that's not a good weight. I still tried out for the soccer team as normal, but the try outs were impossible. I spent hours vomiting and trying not to fall over. I couldn't play that year, but I was still acknowledge which was a huge honor.
Eventually I was treated by a gastroenterologist which solved the vomiting problem for a while. I'll never forget what she said though; she was happy with the treatment's results but she said that there must be something bigger happening to cause such a bizarre problem. We were just happy that I was starting to gain weight and could hold food and drink down. It actually got so bad that I would vomit up to twelve times per day whether or not I had something in my stomach. Vomiting nothing is a horrible pain, doing it numerous times a day for several months is havoc on your body. As I improved, I was barely able to graduate and I walked at the ceremony with a precautionary barf cup.
The summer after graduation I worked at a whole-sale nursery/farm in the Willamette Valley. I pushed myself harder than I have ever pushed myself in my life. I worked hard to prove to myself that I could do a good job no matter the conditions. I couldn't sleep though, because of breathing issues. So I was lucky to get one or two hours of sleep per night. I would sometimes do hundreds of pushups, situps and swimming laps to make me tired enough to sleep. I was only making things worse. By August I had lost the muscle function of the left side of my face. My movements were amazingly slow and I could hardly speak. I drove home to Elma and was shortly there after admitted to the hospital for testing. I was given high dose steroids for treatments for things that I didn't have. I had many MRIs, CAT scans, Ultra Sounds, two batched spinal taps and numerous blood tests. My condition was getting worse and worse with no hope for answers until I was admitted to Seattle Children's Hospital where Dr. Senato and Dr. Richardson had dedicated a tremendous amount of effort in providing some answers. After it was diagnosed and a treatment was prescribed, I was told that I would be really lucky to live much longer; and if I didn't die, I would be lucky to regain the ability to walk. The months that followed were extremely hard, every day seemed to be my last and it was one of my most life altering times of my life. I saw who my family members are on a deep level. I saw such astonishing support from my community and I saw how amazing true neighbors can be. I couldn't have made it through everything without all of that support.
In bed all day, every day without the ability to breathe on my own, walk, eat, speak for more than fifteen minutes at a time. I wanted to fix it so I tried really hard, I forced myself to be mobile and I forced myself to study. I was soon walking multiple miles per day and reading on my own. I tried swimming and doing more dynamic exercises too. I got into better shape and started playing soccer again. I bought a computer, car and enrolled into SPSCC and started studying medical language in English and Spanish. This was against the doctors warnings but I couldn't take being in any kind of a slump. They said that stress could easily mean my demise. I took that into consideration then carried on. As a result I had further brain damage which seemed to have some odd affects on my memory. I think that most of my memory is now intact but its obviously hard to be certain.
Now I am doing much better, always improving. I have to use my C-pap machine most nights but I can go about four or five days in a row without it. I still take my vitamin treatment along with heart burn medicine but its nothing significant. I'm healthier and stronger than ever before because I exercise and diet properly. I have to be sure to rest properly and keep my stress under control. Those two factors are absolutely the most essential. Nobody can tell that I have any kind of health issue just by looking at me and interacting with me, which was not at all the case in the beginning. I'm undergoing projects in my professional career that are on a global scale and that induce a lot of pressure physically, mentally and emotionally. But if I can manage it, then I can use this pressure to strengthen myself rather than let it hurt me. I have to focus on taking the negatives and using them in a positive way such as motivation. I tend to highly resent those who see me as weak because of my condition. I wouldn't be who I am without it, it changed me. Feel sorry for me if I ever let it defeat me but so far I have had the reins this whole time.
I was hesitant to write this because it's such a huge and detailed subject. Also, more recently I have been less willing to talk about it. My mother has more detailed notes and documentation along with a journal that she kept during the really hard times. My memory is also arbitrarily spotty and clear so some parts may be completely forgotten. Regardless, feel free to message me about anything and I will be happy to answer as best I can.
Also, I want to mention the dedication and caring that was exhibited so nobly by Miles Zepp. He was an incredible example of what it means to truly care about your friends and neighbors. I miss Miles every day and would do anything to have him back with us. I think that the best way I can honor him is by trying to live as I saw he lived: he cared deeply, he worked hard and relentlessly without compromising, he had a genuine smile along with a servant's heart.
It is called Abnormal Mitochondrial Disease. In my particular case, it is located in the 2nd complex of the mitochondria of my cells. Little is known about the condition and especially about my particular mutation. This condition is more commonly found in the 4th or 5th complexes of the mitochondria, not in the 2nd. Even more bizarre is that my case was extremely difficult for doctors to diagnose because it has such a huge variety of symptoms. Another interesting fact is that it can only be passed on by females because babies get their mitochondria from the mother during gestation. The only way that I was able to be diagnosed with a reasonable degree of certainty is with a fresh tissue sample from muscle. For that I had to travel to Cleveland where I underwent the operation at the Cleveland Clinic. The original sighting of any neural anomalies was in Seattle after a doctor took a second look at an MRI taken in Olympia where doctors had originally found nothing. A second MRI had revealed that the mass in the first MRI had grown from a hardly recognizable speck to the size of two AAA batteries side by side surrounding my brain-stem. By that point I was hardly able to walk, breathe, hear properly, speak or eat solid foods.It seemed hopeless to everyone but (spoiler alert!) I'm still alive!!
As my family and I reflect on my early childhood, there were signs that could have indicated that it had been affecting me for many years. I had many breathing issues that were misdiagnosed as asthma or being out of shape. I was trained to push myself but I was actually just killing myself faster as I pushed myself in sports and work. My dad has always been a great athlete and a hard worker so I naturally followed his example until I just couldn't take it anymore. The first significantly noticeable signs were in high-school. I just started to vomit every morning, once and without any warning or reasonable association with my environment. Some teachers started to supply me with a barf-bucket and I became a bit isolated. But my friends and everyone at Elma High School were just amazingly understanding. There were jokes but it was just good fun. It didn't hurt at first, it just was concerning. I became very skinny even though I was already super skinny to begin with. I went from 185lbes to 155lbs in a matter of a couple of months. At roughly 6'2", that's not a good weight. I still tried out for the soccer team as normal, but the try outs were impossible. I spent hours vomiting and trying not to fall over. I couldn't play that year, but I was still acknowledge which was a huge honor.
Eventually I was treated by a gastroenterologist which solved the vomiting problem for a while. I'll never forget what she said though; she was happy with the treatment's results but she said that there must be something bigger happening to cause such a bizarre problem. We were just happy that I was starting to gain weight and could hold food and drink down. It actually got so bad that I would vomit up to twelve times per day whether or not I had something in my stomach. Vomiting nothing is a horrible pain, doing it numerous times a day for several months is havoc on your body. As I improved, I was barely able to graduate and I walked at the ceremony with a precautionary barf cup.
The summer after graduation I worked at a whole-sale nursery/farm in the Willamette Valley. I pushed myself harder than I have ever pushed myself in my life. I worked hard to prove to myself that I could do a good job no matter the conditions. I couldn't sleep though, because of breathing issues. So I was lucky to get one or two hours of sleep per night. I would sometimes do hundreds of pushups, situps and swimming laps to make me tired enough to sleep. I was only making things worse. By August I had lost the muscle function of the left side of my face. My movements were amazingly slow and I could hardly speak. I drove home to Elma and was shortly there after admitted to the hospital for testing. I was given high dose steroids for treatments for things that I didn't have. I had many MRIs, CAT scans, Ultra Sounds, two batched spinal taps and numerous blood tests. My condition was getting worse and worse with no hope for answers until I was admitted to Seattle Children's Hospital where Dr. Senato and Dr. Richardson had dedicated a tremendous amount of effort in providing some answers. After it was diagnosed and a treatment was prescribed, I was told that I would be really lucky to live much longer; and if I didn't die, I would be lucky to regain the ability to walk. The months that followed were extremely hard, every day seemed to be my last and it was one of my most life altering times of my life. I saw who my family members are on a deep level. I saw such astonishing support from my community and I saw how amazing true neighbors can be. I couldn't have made it through everything without all of that support.
In bed all day, every day without the ability to breathe on my own, walk, eat, speak for more than fifteen minutes at a time. I wanted to fix it so I tried really hard, I forced myself to be mobile and I forced myself to study. I was soon walking multiple miles per day and reading on my own. I tried swimming and doing more dynamic exercises too. I got into better shape and started playing soccer again. I bought a computer, car and enrolled into SPSCC and started studying medical language in English and Spanish. This was against the doctors warnings but I couldn't take being in any kind of a slump. They said that stress could easily mean my demise. I took that into consideration then carried on. As a result I had further brain damage which seemed to have some odd affects on my memory. I think that most of my memory is now intact but its obviously hard to be certain.
Now I am doing much better, always improving. I have to use my C-pap machine most nights but I can go about four or five days in a row without it. I still take my vitamin treatment along with heart burn medicine but its nothing significant. I'm healthier and stronger than ever before because I exercise and diet properly. I have to be sure to rest properly and keep my stress under control. Those two factors are absolutely the most essential. Nobody can tell that I have any kind of health issue just by looking at me and interacting with me, which was not at all the case in the beginning. I'm undergoing projects in my professional career that are on a global scale and that induce a lot of pressure physically, mentally and emotionally. But if I can manage it, then I can use this pressure to strengthen myself rather than let it hurt me. I have to focus on taking the negatives and using them in a positive way such as motivation. I tend to highly resent those who see me as weak because of my condition. I wouldn't be who I am without it, it changed me. Feel sorry for me if I ever let it defeat me but so far I have had the reins this whole time.
I was hesitant to write this because it's such a huge and detailed subject. Also, more recently I have been less willing to talk about it. My mother has more detailed notes and documentation along with a journal that she kept during the really hard times. My memory is also arbitrarily spotty and clear so some parts may be completely forgotten. Regardless, feel free to message me about anything and I will be happy to answer as best I can.
Also, I want to mention the dedication and caring that was exhibited so nobly by Miles Zepp. He was an incredible example of what it means to truly care about your friends and neighbors. I miss Miles every day and would do anything to have him back with us. I think that the best way I can honor him is by trying to live as I saw he lived: he cared deeply, he worked hard and relentlessly without compromising, he had a genuine smile along with a servant's heart.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Living In Tainan
I've been living in Tainan City for 4 1/2 months so far. It's a beautiful city and since I've been living here the weather has been more tolerable than I had originally assumed. It was difficult to get settled with a job and residency but without the help from my best friend it probably would've been impossible. Such supportive friends are one of the most precious treasures in this dark world. I moved into my tiny apartment upon arrival. Dirty and old, uninhabited for far too many years, I was cold and exhausted. No kitchen, no full-size shower or bath but that was okay because my friend's place was directly above where I had a hot meal and warm conversation.
The people are just as great as I remembered from my first venture to this quaint island. My second day in my new home was when I met my landlord, the sweetest little old Taiwanese lady. She addresses me always as Bai Xiansheng ( Mr. Bentson) and she has not failed yet to greet my friend or me with a hot meal. Between the hot meal and warm, caring conversation I look forward to paying my rent at the end of each month. The two of us are her only tenants in this 5 story building which is just perfect. I do my laundry on the roof and I have a marvelous view of the city, especially at night. That is, with the exception of the gigantic yellow M just to let people know where they can make their bad decision of the day if they so desire.
Living in Taiwan without a two-wheeled mode of transportation is nearly impossible. The streets are not made for walking like in other parts of the world. The side walks are meant for parking cars or scooters. And especially when I was going from interview to interview, taxis soon became too expensive. Cram schools are dime a dozen here and there are essentially two kinds: child cram schools or adult cram schools. I soon learned that I just can't teach children, I can't teach a room full of 6 year old kids who are only trained to recognize repetition. I'm an adult SLA expert, so I need to stick to what I'm good at. I interviewed at several places and I found most places to have rude staff. I was certainly not impressed, especially after working in Germany. I gained a greater appreciation for staff that is cordial and straight forward. There was only one institution that I felt good about and they called me back to meet with a potential client. I had to win over this one client in order to get a contract and I won him over big. More clients soon followed.
I have met many great people there so far but I have also learned that you really have to watch what you say around Taiwanese people because they tend to dissect and analyze the hell out of it. Westerners tend to be much more laid back when it comes to small talk or business talk. They also like to record your teaching and create a competitive atmosphere. It makes the whole experience somewhat uncomfortable but the experience is still incredibly valuable.
Mostly I study and work here but I try to explore the city bit by bit every day. I scoot around to different parts and try to find the most stunning views and mentionable landmarks. There are lots of interesting things about this city like Anping district. Anping is the historical center of Tainan which includes a traditional market place and gorgeous river views, especially at night. I also really enjoy going to the beach and listening to the tide wash in and out. I am the kind of person who needs to be around water, if I am too far inland I just feel awkward. Now isn't the beach season though, so the beach is mostly empty. Actually, its quite amazing how this city can seem so incredibly full then two or three hours later its empty.
The culture here is not nocturnal like many other places that I've been to. I think this is great though. Sometimes, when I am fighting another bout of insomnia, I hop on the puff and scoot around the sleeping city. My puttering little 50cc motor is hardly noticeable even to the local street dogs that sleep with no reservation in the middle of the street. Sometimes I'll walk along the river that is nearby my apartment, the view is beautiful I think, especially with at least two major temples within view. This area is the common hangout for some older locals. They are nice and have invited me to sit with them and drink tea. What friendly people.
I still have much to learn about this place but I've been relatively stunted in my ability to make friends because I'm finding the social aspect to be difficult. There is little concept of free time here or clocking out. Everyone is always so busy so it is hard to arrange time to spend with people that I meet. I've made friends with mostly English people here pretty much because they seem to be the only tolerable foreigners that I have encountered so far. Sure, I've met a few genial Americans here but most Americans that I have met so far really put me off. The few that I did like were only passing through. I love Americans, of course considering that I am one but sometimes Americans that I see abroad can get territorial. One English friend of mine has a local girlfriend who works at a high-dollar liquor store. We went there one night and bought a bottle of wine and had the most in-depth conversation about global politics that I've ever had. Plus he paid for the wine, so it was a pretty good evening.
To put life here in a nutshell, its well paced but utterly constant. It's culture is warm but can quickly turn cold without warning. Life revolves around work but not in an overbearing way like in Germany. Cost of living is low, everything that you could need or want is within a few minutes in any direction, stopping to smell the flowers is a concept that has gone unappreciated. Oh, and Tainan drivers are bad, not crazy or zippy, just bad. They drive slowly and make bad decisions then change those decisions at the worst times. That's my experience so far, I'm sure I will learn much more as I finish up this year.
The people are just as great as I remembered from my first venture to this quaint island. My second day in my new home was when I met my landlord, the sweetest little old Taiwanese lady. She addresses me always as Bai Xiansheng ( Mr. Bentson) and she has not failed yet to greet my friend or me with a hot meal. Between the hot meal and warm, caring conversation I look forward to paying my rent at the end of each month. The two of us are her only tenants in this 5 story building which is just perfect. I do my laundry on the roof and I have a marvelous view of the city, especially at night. That is, with the exception of the gigantic yellow M just to let people know where they can make their bad decision of the day if they so desire.
Living in Taiwan without a two-wheeled mode of transportation is nearly impossible. The streets are not made for walking like in other parts of the world. The side walks are meant for parking cars or scooters. And especially when I was going from interview to interview, taxis soon became too expensive. Cram schools are dime a dozen here and there are essentially two kinds: child cram schools or adult cram schools. I soon learned that I just can't teach children, I can't teach a room full of 6 year old kids who are only trained to recognize repetition. I'm an adult SLA expert, so I need to stick to what I'm good at. I interviewed at several places and I found most places to have rude staff. I was certainly not impressed, especially after working in Germany. I gained a greater appreciation for staff that is cordial and straight forward. There was only one institution that I felt good about and they called me back to meet with a potential client. I had to win over this one client in order to get a contract and I won him over big. More clients soon followed.
I have met many great people there so far but I have also learned that you really have to watch what you say around Taiwanese people because they tend to dissect and analyze the hell out of it. Westerners tend to be much more laid back when it comes to small talk or business talk. They also like to record your teaching and create a competitive atmosphere. It makes the whole experience somewhat uncomfortable but the experience is still incredibly valuable.
Mostly I study and work here but I try to explore the city bit by bit every day. I scoot around to different parts and try to find the most stunning views and mentionable landmarks. There are lots of interesting things about this city like Anping district. Anping is the historical center of Tainan which includes a traditional market place and gorgeous river views, especially at night. I also really enjoy going to the beach and listening to the tide wash in and out. I am the kind of person who needs to be around water, if I am too far inland I just feel awkward. Now isn't the beach season though, so the beach is mostly empty. Actually, its quite amazing how this city can seem so incredibly full then two or three hours later its empty.
The culture here is not nocturnal like many other places that I've been to. I think this is great though. Sometimes, when I am fighting another bout of insomnia, I hop on the puff and scoot around the sleeping city. My puttering little 50cc motor is hardly noticeable even to the local street dogs that sleep with no reservation in the middle of the street. Sometimes I'll walk along the river that is nearby my apartment, the view is beautiful I think, especially with at least two major temples within view. This area is the common hangout for some older locals. They are nice and have invited me to sit with them and drink tea. What friendly people.
I still have much to learn about this place but I've been relatively stunted in my ability to make friends because I'm finding the social aspect to be difficult. There is little concept of free time here or clocking out. Everyone is always so busy so it is hard to arrange time to spend with people that I meet. I've made friends with mostly English people here pretty much because they seem to be the only tolerable foreigners that I have encountered so far. Sure, I've met a few genial Americans here but most Americans that I have met so far really put me off. The few that I did like were only passing through. I love Americans, of course considering that I am one but sometimes Americans that I see abroad can get territorial. One English friend of mine has a local girlfriend who works at a high-dollar liquor store. We went there one night and bought a bottle of wine and had the most in-depth conversation about global politics that I've ever had. Plus he paid for the wine, so it was a pretty good evening.
To put life here in a nutshell, its well paced but utterly constant. It's culture is warm but can quickly turn cold without warning. Life revolves around work but not in an overbearing way like in Germany. Cost of living is low, everything that you could need or want is within a few minutes in any direction, stopping to smell the flowers is a concept that has gone unappreciated. Oh, and Tainan drivers are bad, not crazy or zippy, just bad. They drive slowly and make bad decisions then change those decisions at the worst times. That's my experience so far, I'm sure I will learn much more as I finish up this year.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Can't I Just Be Frank?
Dealing with cultural taboos and maintaining sensitivity in certain situations can be super difficult. Most of the time you need to learn boundaries the hard way. I cross the line then I have to learn from it. While I can appreciate why and how people can be offended and be emotionally affected if certain boundaries are crossed, I do think that most of these occasions need to be dealt with with patience on both ends. Furthermore, certain taboo subjects that are otherwise known as controversial, must be dealt with rationally and with an open mind so that emotional responses don't hinder progress.
It seems like a simple matter of maturity. If I'm totally rude to someone, that person points it out to me, I apologize and try to explain my behavior; is the proper response to continue to be angry or accept my apology and try to carry on? In this situation I am being sincere and I want mutual understanding. To continue to harbor resentment is ridiculous and childish.
Similarly, if a controversial topic arises and both parties involved have very opposing views, what then should be the appropriate way to carry on? Emotionally supporting your view with yelling, interrupting and aggression? Or with calm and open discussion and an all around respect for mutual understanding? Surely if both parties are truly interested in finding the most rational solution then that person should also be willing to change his/her opinion. If you're not willing to change your mind no matter what new information there might be available, then you're being a part of the problem and not the solution. Because while others of us are trying to progress and improve you're staying behind and holding us back.
Some examples of what I'm talking about can include religion, politics, homosexuality, abortion and health. Each of these are complex issues with a lot to consider. There is no easy solution so it's absolutely ridiculous for anyone to assert that their opinion on the matter is the absolute best. We need to be able to talk about these things calmly and rationally. It is imperative to keep an open mind and that we genuinely seek out what is objectively moral. Otherwise the results will continue to be nasty.
Friday, April 11, 2014
The Majesty of the Puff
Since centuries past, legends have told of the mighty Scooty Puff Jr., the seemingly small and weak machine that would transport men of great stature from place to place. It's cubic capacity was said to be small but its will to scoot would be great.
Silently awaiting its fate, in the shadows, in the back alley sitting, waiting for its master. Locals overlooked its potential for adequate transportation at a reasonable price but alas, a traveler sought out its economic and practical value. Many would laugh and scoff at the possibility. The traveler was large, nearly the size of two locals both in weight and height. But luckily the traveler had double the faith of a local as well and realized that at his present juncture, he had to trust the Puff. The traveler negotiated the price, the technique was something that the shop's proprietor was not prepared for. He asked how much, the shop-keep answered, the traveler squinted his eyes, took a deep breathe then shrugged his chin. The shop-keep got nervous and suggested a lower price, the traveler looked down and slowly raised his head and soon had eye contact with the shop-keep. "How's about you stop insulting me, I didn't come all this way to be ripped off" said the traveler in the local language. The shop keep took a deep and nervous swallow then offered an even lower price along with maintenance service. "That's more like it... I'll be back for my oil change." The traveler mounted the puff and rode off into the sunset where new legends would be born of the Scooty Puff Jr.
Silently awaiting its fate, in the shadows, in the back alley sitting, waiting for its master. Locals overlooked its potential for adequate transportation at a reasonable price but alas, a traveler sought out its economic and practical value. Many would laugh and scoff at the possibility. The traveler was large, nearly the size of two locals both in weight and height. But luckily the traveler had double the faith of a local as well and realized that at his present juncture, he had to trust the Puff. The traveler negotiated the price, the technique was something that the shop's proprietor was not prepared for. He asked how much, the shop-keep answered, the traveler squinted his eyes, took a deep breathe then shrugged his chin. The shop-keep got nervous and suggested a lower price, the traveler looked down and slowly raised his head and soon had eye contact with the shop-keep. "How's about you stop insulting me, I didn't come all this way to be ripped off" said the traveler in the local language. The shop keep took a deep and nervous swallow then offered an even lower price along with maintenance service. "That's more like it... I'll be back for my oil change." The traveler mounted the puff and rode off into the sunset where new legends would be born of the Scooty Puff Jr.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Overthinking
Since I was a little guy I would often over contemplate many simple things. One of my very first memories was standing in my front yard and starring at a dandelion. Well, more like studying the stages that the dandelions were going through. There was the young dandelion that was wanting to open, the budding dandelion that was in the middle of opening, the fully vibrant and open flower that poured out its bright yellow to all the world and lastly, the old dandelion that was discarding its seeds so that more flowers could live the life that it once had. I thought about this for a long time and it troubled me to think that that old flower had nothing left to enjoy. Then I wondered what they tasted like, and let me tell you something, they are NOT good eating. I did enjoy how beautiful they were though, so I suddenly felt the need to share their beauty with someone else. At that time my go to list of acquaintances was about as long as my overall list, I knew only my close family. But I knew this precious beauty had to go to the most beautiful woman I knew, so naturally I picked it for my mother. With the most pride that I had experienced up to that point, I carefully plucked the bright yellow flower from its delicate stem and approached my mother as she was doing her gardening. I reached out to bestow this treasure unto her when suddenly I was shocked, her reply was totally unexpected. "oh sweetie, that's a weed." I had built it up only to be let down. Then I realized, I had no idea what a weed was! "so? it's pretty, right?", "No sweetie, we don't want weeds. We try to get rid of them." Devastation to say the least. It was an important lesson though: don't let labels control or guide you.
If we can't appreciate the beauty of things just because of presuppositions or societal labels then we miss out on so much. Of course, later on I came to appreciate how important it was to control weeds because of farming with my dad. But the lesson stands for all areas of my life. When information is spouted at you early on, it should be questioned. Why? How? These were and are the questions I often asked. I asked my dad so many questions so often that one year for father's day my gift to him was that I wouldn't speak all day. He loved it! I soon learned that if you really want these answers then many times you need to search them out on your own. I questioned authority at school a lot and I got in trouble a lot. Teachers didn't think I was a bad kid, just that I was unruly and I wouldn't believe anything just because they said it was true. I had a similar attitude towards church but I was met with much harsher retaliation when I spoke up in a religious setting. The thing is, this perception of what is beautiful and was is unwanted is totally subjective and it works both ways. I didn't find the Bible to be nice book overall but others around me did. I didn't want to make my assessment until I had more information but my opinion certainly stood in conflict with nearly everyone around me. In more simple terms, one person says that studying biology is amazing and gorgeous and another says it has no relevance to his/her life. Both people could be equally intelligent, fun and moral people but one finds beauty in biology and the other doesn't. Now, this is to say that appreciating alternative perceptions is nice but not totally necessary. But separating perceptions and appreciation of simple beauty from real world utility is imperative.
The person who doesn't appreciate the beauty of biology must at least understand that biology is an important science from which we have learned a tremendous amount about the world around us and through which we have benefited greatly as a species. I, similarly, had to realize that even though the dandelion was beautiful, I still had to treat it as a weed because we are living in a world where we need to decide which plants we want in which areas. Later on I could appreciate that more.
These are my thoughts on understanding where tolerance draws its lines. I like a flower, my mother doesn't have to like it. Somebody else likes a book, don't tell me that I have to like it and believe or I'll die. Another guy likes biology but he doesn't have to shove it down the non-appreciator's throat just because it's science. Just a few thoughts, no real, strong points. These are just some of the things I think about.
If we can't appreciate the beauty of things just because of presuppositions or societal labels then we miss out on so much. Of course, later on I came to appreciate how important it was to control weeds because of farming with my dad. But the lesson stands for all areas of my life. When information is spouted at you early on, it should be questioned. Why? How? These were and are the questions I often asked. I asked my dad so many questions so often that one year for father's day my gift to him was that I wouldn't speak all day. He loved it! I soon learned that if you really want these answers then many times you need to search them out on your own. I questioned authority at school a lot and I got in trouble a lot. Teachers didn't think I was a bad kid, just that I was unruly and I wouldn't believe anything just because they said it was true. I had a similar attitude towards church but I was met with much harsher retaliation when I spoke up in a religious setting. The thing is, this perception of what is beautiful and was is unwanted is totally subjective and it works both ways. I didn't find the Bible to be nice book overall but others around me did. I didn't want to make my assessment until I had more information but my opinion certainly stood in conflict with nearly everyone around me. In more simple terms, one person says that studying biology is amazing and gorgeous and another says it has no relevance to his/her life. Both people could be equally intelligent, fun and moral people but one finds beauty in biology and the other doesn't. Now, this is to say that appreciating alternative perceptions is nice but not totally necessary. But separating perceptions and appreciation of simple beauty from real world utility is imperative.
The person who doesn't appreciate the beauty of biology must at least understand that biology is an important science from which we have learned a tremendous amount about the world around us and through which we have benefited greatly as a species. I, similarly, had to realize that even though the dandelion was beautiful, I still had to treat it as a weed because we are living in a world where we need to decide which plants we want in which areas. Later on I could appreciate that more.
These are my thoughts on understanding where tolerance draws its lines. I like a flower, my mother doesn't have to like it. Somebody else likes a book, don't tell me that I have to like it and believe or I'll die. Another guy likes biology but he doesn't have to shove it down the non-appreciator's throat just because it's science. Just a few thoughts, no real, strong points. These are just some of the things I think about.
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