Is Chivalry Dead?

The death of chivalry was brought up recently in a conversation I was having with a client. It really made me ponder the concept especially after she suggested that it hasn't died, but rather, has updated itself in modern culture. The birth of the concept is from medieval Europe and pertains to the conduct that military horsemen would practice it in training, warfare and public service. Traditionally it has come to refer to a code of honor and nobility in society, while in modern times it seems to have died out (or at least many would claim). I agree with my client though, it has not died.

Basically we have this concept of chivalry to guide our social behavior in western culture whereas Confucianism outlines similar codes of conduct for eastern societies and the influences are easy to notice when you live in both societies. In my view, I can see chivalry in the respect that we pay our neighbors, not necessarily by way of opening a car door for a woman or walking on the street-side of the sidewalk when accompanied by a woman. Though these are nice gestures, I don't believe they embody what it means to be a gentleman. If you fail to open your car door for your girlfriend on every occasion that doesn't automatically mean that chivalry has died because chivalry is a bit deeper than that.

Furthermore, western society has shied away from many condescending courtesies that were a gentleman's responsibility such as paying for each restaurant bill and opting in as the "decision maker" as such aspects of the gentlemanly demeanor are now seen as demeaning. I'm a firm believer in equality while at the same time acknowledging our key differences. It is condescending, however, to have a guy paying for everything which can be easy perceived as though she is a poor, helpless woman who can't do anything without a man. Personally, I have never met such a woman. It might also easily be perceived as personal insecurity, as if the guy must prove how his money will make her want to stay with him. So,I can easily see why some of these acts, that are traditionally associated with chivalry, are dying out.

It is simply that our society is maturing and embracing equality and maintaining respect for each other. This common sense of respect to your fellow human being has always been most apparent to me back home in the North West and also in England. Doors are held open for strangers and reliable directions are given to out-of-towners. In general, men tend to behave better when women are present; less inappropriate language is used and manners are more attended to. I thoroughly enjoy these little things in society that reminds me that we are all in this together. So often I noted common courtesies in London that would bring a smile to my face; like when an elderly woman would step onto the tube carriage then shortly thereafter is offered a seat by a fellow passenger. Or when some lone American guy is sitting at the local pub and a group of locals decides to buy him a round and invite him to play snooker. And of course back home we have our heartwarming RAOK (random acts of kindness). It only makes sense that such a concept would come from the place that is also known for the never ending intersection struggle of "no, you go first", "no, you go first".

I have noticed that this regard for strangers is not as common in the east, at least from what I've experienced. I'm not sure why exactly, especially since many of the places I've visited so far are always so well known for hospitality. I get lots of waves "hello, how are you/" but that is only because I stand out. Drivers are not courteous at all, and when you are courteous to them they don't know how to react. Strangers on the street don't seem to like to be randomly greeted by a complete stranger. Now, I could be completely misunderstanding my observations because they are so skewed due to how much I stand out as a foreigner but nonetheless, I do miss the little pleasantries of everyday life that I experienced in America and Europe. Or maybe I'm just an asshole and I look non-approachable, who knows?

At any rate, I'm excited to compare these aspects of culture with my future destinations. Therefore, this is to be continued...

Living Up to the Stereotype

Personally, I think stereotypes are hilarious whenever I see them lived up to. Stereotypes exist for a reason so it would make sense that we see them in action from time to time. I live up to the American stereotype every once in a while and I'm not ashamed of it. I eat hamburgers, ride big motorcycles and sometimes talk a bit too loudly in public places. I drink starbucks and frequent Costco no matter which country I am (Kirkland signature makes good jeans for cheap haha). All this in no way means that I don't respect the local specialties. I just sometimes fit within a stereotype and that's okay with me as long as I don't let it define me.

Anyway, this is what was on my mind today. Also, what a great day this turned out to be. Hanging out at the beach, enjoying local cuisine and sleeping all afternoon. I need more days like this.