The Human Experience

Since my very first memory and as far as I can trust my recollection, I have been incredibly fascinated by my own human existence as well as that of others who all share the same thing but with different perspectives. I can't remember my age, but I do remember very clearly when I first noticed the iris of my eye (not my first memory). As I was brushing my teeth I started to study the blue of my eye as it adjusted to changes in light. I took a closer look and started to turn the lights off and on in order to try to understand what I was seeing. At that time I had no concept of optics or how the eye functioned, so I became hypnotized with this curiosity. I spent hours studying my eye in the mirror and wondering why mine were blue and why my friend's eyes were brown. Why did I exist in that time, with my family as they were. I also questioned my existence, or consciousness as would be more accurately described, in that time frame; especially when I just as easily could have experienced consciousness in any of the other time frames and locations that I heard about from the books that my mother read to my siblings and me in my youth. I could have experienced life as an African slave during the slave trade period which haunts the beginning of my country. Or I could have experienced being a peasant in Europe during the Dark Ages. I could have experienced life as a different gender, race, sexuality, economic condition and in any other time period, but I didn't because I was experiencing it then as a young, white, middle-class, farm boy with the world ahead of me. I spent so many sleepless nights pondering that point in my youth; what it meant to experience life through my situation especially when my mother was constantly reading me stories of the hard times and struggles of so many others who came before us. Why was I bestowed with my fortunate position and how should I feel about that?

Now that I am an adult and I have had a few experiences, I guess I most appreciate the fortunate opportunity that I have been given to experience life at all. And as with any great opportunity that we are fortunate enough to have been given, it mustn't be squandered. When experiencing life, should we live by a checklist; get a degree, get married, have children, be successful, have friends, create a legacy? Or should we just live with a simple, underlying attitude of gratefulness to be bestowed with existence in the first place? Gratefulness to me means living and making life better for others while you're living. And I believe that it does not mean worrying about living and letting the inevitable horribleness of life ruin your experience. Life sucks by default, and I've spent too long focusing on how much it sucks for everyone; but this line of thinking doesn't do anyone any good.

Many say that life is wonderful and beautiful and that I am a pessimist for highlighting the bad parts, but I don't think I am a pessimist and I would also venture to guess that those who know me best would agree with me. I might respond by saying that those with such a positive look on life are, by definition, optimists. Whichever perspective one might hold on life, any rational person must concede that the vast majority of the known universe is uninhabitable and that death, pain and suffering are all natural and intrinsic parts of life. So, in light of this, I consider myself pretty lucky to exist at all just by virtue of the statistical probability of my existence is so stacked against me. While, of course noting that if I didn't exist then I certainly wouldn't be aware of my non-existence; so that while I am conscious and aware of this fact of my own existence and how fortunate I should be to have beaten the odds, it would seem that the incidental factors that come along with my statistical triumph should be accepted with grace rather than anger and frustration.  Just as when one enjoys a nice, rich piece of chocolate cake; there are certain incidental factors that make the experience less than perfect (which, of course, being the excess amounts of empty calories).

This is then to say that with the realization of what it means to exist, we are to deal with the good and the bad (which are subjectively categorized) of life as purely incidental factors which come along with such an incredible experience. Advancing knowledge, health, living standards and peaceful relations within our species should seem to be the most fulfilling thing we can accomplish in life because in a universe without an apparent point to its existence, such goals would give us, as individuals, a sense of purpose while also benefiting those in his/her community. But such a need for purpose seems strange to me, yet it is so commonly sought. When faced with this question, I tend to respond with some like, "why ask such a question?" Why do things needs a purpose? In regards to this point, one should not ask why things exist but rather how things work (Lawrence Krauss). Asking why the wind blows doesn't do us nearly as much good as asking how it blows.

In life, I feel fulfilled and happy because I have a loving family and a great, supportive community back home. I have wonderful friends that enjoy my company just as I enjoy theirs and I am content in my work because I am constantly learning and bettering myself and others through it. To me, life is about relationships and loving; not about selfishness, death and destruction (no matter how connected those concepts might be). Mostly I see people living with a similar perspective and that brings me a lot of joy. But the trick is, I guess, to not let that inevitable and intrinsic horribleness that incidentally comes along with living in this universe ruin your ability to enjoy existence. It's like eating the cake and maintaining the understanding that every delicious piece of cake is still basically unhealthy.